Nameless
by Avahin
Summary: Sirius has never cared for Remus. In fact, the only reason why they were even "friends" has been because of James. But when fifth year comes around and Remus has suddenly changed, according to James, can Sirius still say he doesn't care for Remus? RLSB
1. 1

**Disclaimer**: Characters to J.K. Rowling, may she not sue me for using her characters for the sake of satisfying my boredom and fandom.

Sirius Black never cared much for Remus Lupin in the first four years of school. They were friends, yes. He had worked for the past three years along with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew to become Animagi for Remus, true. But he never really cared much for Remus. In fact, if James hadn't insisted on helping Remus carry his large suitcase onto Hogwarts Express, Sirius didn't think he would have ended up being friends with Remus.

Speaking of James…Sirius always believed the messy-haired boy had some strange obsession with the werewolf. Though it was he who was inseparable from James, it was Remus who James talked about the most (followed closely by Lily). Most of the time, they would be in the middle of talking about a Quidditch move and James would suddenly change the conversation by asking Sirius if Remus would be going to the next game that happened to be the day after the full moon. At first, Sirius humored James by calmly analyzing the situation, but, after the eighteenth time James did it, Sirius shouted back that he had no bloody way in hell of knowing what Remus Lupin would do because he wasn't his freaking keeper. That generally shut James up for a bit until he found another way to bring up Remus Lupin. If James wasn't asking Sirius about Remus' opinion, he was constantly questioning Sirius about Remus' health, which, in Sirius' opinion was useless seeing as he saw the werewolf about as much as James did. So, yes, Sirius was inclined to believe that James was obsessed about Remus.

In fact, it was a mere few hours ago that James attacked a very tired looking Remus with a giant hug when he spotted him on at the station. Remus responded eagerly and greeted his other two friends hastily before detaching himself from James and pointing at the badge on his chest. Before he could utter the words, "I'm a prefect," James had launched at him again, lifted him up, and swung him around in a circle screaming, "Our little Remus has grown up and made his daddy Jamesie so happy!" Remus let James spin him once more before insisting that he had to go to the Prefects cabin and he would meet up with them later. The instant Remus disappeared, James rounded on Sirius and said in an anxious voice, "There's something wrong with Remus." Sirius waved his worries away, believing that James was just being paranoid, but now, at twelve at night, that Sirius could hear Remus moaning and crying in his sleep in the bed next to Sirius', the black-haired boy was inclined to believe that James had been right.

Remus' curtains were sealed tightly around his bed, but they didn't muffle the painful sounds coming from the tawny-haired boy. Sirius thought about getting up to wake Remus from his sleep and make him stop; after all, they were on some level friends. But he wasn't sure what he would do after that. Remus was bound to shrug off any questions that Sirius would ask awkwardly and probably leave the dormitory so that he didn't bother the other three boys anymore that night. And Sirius didn't think that was a good idea, because Remus did look extremely tired and he was sure that if Remus left, he wouldn't be going back to sleep.

Luckily, Sirius didn't have to worry about what to do, because James had gotten out of his bed and crossed over to Remus'. He pulled away the curtains with care that Sirius had rarely ever seen before and sat down on the edge of the bed. Then, he reached one hand out and, instead of shaking Remus awake like Sirius had thought he would, stroked the light brown hair gently. Instantly, wide golden eyes emerged from behind alert eyelids. For an instant, they searched around frantically for danger as the thin uncovered chest moved up and down at an absurdly fast pace. But as soon as he saw James, Remus shut his eyes again and let out a deep breath.

"Sorry," he whispered as James continued to run his hand through Remus' hair lightly.

James frowned as his hazel eyes swirled with displeasure. "Don't be." He paused as Remus turned so that most of his face was buried in the fluffy white pillow. "Remus, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he muttered. "Go back to sleep."

James let out a soft laugh and shook his head, though Remus couldn't see. "I should be telling you that." Then his eyes fell back into their previous serious mode. "Nothing my ass. You've lost a lot of weight, you're abnormally tired – don't give me shit about the moon; it's not for another two weeks – and you've never made a sound in your sleep before."

If Sirius wanted to interject, now would be the time to say that that wasn't true. In fact, sometimes Remus muttered things about chocolate or he panted like he had been running a marathon. But Sirius felt like it would be a wrong moment to point this out. Besides, neither of them knew he was awake.

"James," Remus brought a pale arm out from under his pillow and stopped James' hand with his own. "Please don't worry so much." Then he lifted his head away from the pillow and smiled at James with his eyes still closed. "Especially not about me."

"Bollocks, Remus," James replied angrily, clasping Remus' hand with his own. "I'll worry about you all I want. You're my friend, Remus, and if anything or anyone has been bothering you, I want to know."

At this Remus opened his eyes and Sirius was sure he wasn't the only one who was surprised to see them water. "Thank you, James," was all he said before he tugged his hand away from the other boy. He smiled affectionately and sadly at the same time as he climbed out of bed and took his sheets with him out the dormitory.

James stood up as soon as the door shut and made to go after him, but Sirius sat up and said, "Don't."

Startled, James turned to look at Sirius and one look at the silver eyes told him that Sirius had heard and seen it all but hadn't understood anything apart from the fact that Remus needed to be alone. He glared at Sirius, directing his anger wrongly, before he fell back onto Remus' bed and whispered, "It's not fair." Before Sirius could ask what wasn't fair, James had curled up on the empty bed and turned away from him to sleep.

--

Sirius wasn't very surprised to see that he was the first awake in the dormitory the next morning. Before he went about his morning business, he spread his blankets across a shivering James who was still asleep in Remus' bed. He didn't bother Peter because it was still early in the morning and he wasn't in the mood for Peter's idiocy. So he dressed himself for the day while half-wondering what happened to Remus. His thoughts were answered when he appeared in the common room and found the boy laying on the ground next to a lit fireplace and fast asleep.

He stood at the base of the stairwell deciding if he should just go on to breakfast or if he should wake Remus up. His thoughts were leaning towards breakfast because he was sure that someone else would come by to alert Remus, when the werewolf whined softly and curled his body together defensively. Instantly, Sirius was kneeling beside Remus and shaking his shoulder.

Remus' breathing calmed down for a moment, and, unlike last night, he opened his eyes very lazily.

"Sirius?" he murmured as he sat up sleepily and wrapped his blankets around himself.

Sirius took his hand back and frowned slightly. "Are you cold?" He was surprised to see that even beside the roaring fire and under the heavy sheets Remus was shivering.

Remus' eyes snapped into focus as he shakily stood up and quickly shook his head. "Not at all." Golden orbs flickered to the sunlight filtering into the common room before making eye contact with Sirius again. "I might be late to breakfast. Pick up my schedule for me, will you?" He smiled kindly and Sirius nodded. "Thanks." Then he disappeared up the stairs to the boy's dormitory with his blankets flowing behind him royally.

--

Remus had not been late to breakfast. In fact, Remus had not showed up to breakfast at all, which was clearly not a good sign, as James was repeatedly telling Sirius. It seemed as if James had a right to be worried this time because Sirius wasn't tell him to stop, Lily was sitting next to them asking where Remus was every ten seconds, and even Professor McGonagall seemed displeased when she handed Sirius Remus' schedule.

As soon as the schedule was in Sirius' hands, James snatched it away and ran out of the Great Hall immediately. Sirius wasn't going to follow after him, but Lily had gotten up and raced after James, so Sirius, not wanting to be left alone with Peter, followed at a brisk pace.

He caught up with them in the boy's dormitory where they were huddled on either side of Remus talking in urgent voices, apparently trying to persuade him to do something he didn't want to.

"What's going on?" he asked blandly. Lily and James both stopped talking and Remus looked up briefly before smiling in an assuring manner.

"Nothing at all," he replied and Sirius couldn't help but notice that voice was a lot weaker than it was earlier that morning. "Really. Lily and James just found me asleep and now they're convinced that I'm sick." He shook his head at the absurdity of the idea and, from his smile that never faltered, Sirius was very tempted to agree with him.

But then James shouted, "Nothing? Is that all you can tell us now? Nothing?" He stopped suddenly as his eyes widened with regret at seeing Remus flinch away from him. Taking in a deep breath, he forced himself to calm down and said quieter but with just as much passion, "Remus, what are you hiding? Why won't you tell us? Aren't we your friends?" He brought the back of his hand up to stroke the other's cheek but Remus turned away.

"I'm sorry to have worried you, James." The smile lowered a bit sadly and Remus made sure not to have eye contact with James. "Really. I'm not hiding anything." He paused to look at the time then glanced over all of them before settling his eyes on James' still floating hand. "Look, if you don't leave now, then we'll be late to class. I'd love for you all to wait, but frankly," he lowered his gaze and a faint blush spread across his cheeks, "I'm a bit shy to change in front of Lily."

A small wave of laughter fill the room, most of it coming from Lily as she stood up and nodded. "Alright then. We'll leave you to our business." She grabbed James' hand before he could protest and dragged him to the door. "See you in Transfiguration. We have it with the Ravenclaws, in case you haven't read your schedule yet." Then she left with James screaming at Sirius to take Remus to the Hospital Wing.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Remus looked up at Sirius with wide haunted eyes and Sirius had to suppress a shiver as he sat down on his own bed across from Remus. By now the blush should have left Remus, but the oddly pale face was fervently flushed and Sirius was sure he had nothing to do with it.

"You don't have to stay," he said as he shifted on the bed so that his previously crossed legs were hanging off the edge and his feet were touching the ground. "You'll probably end up being late too, if you do." Remus let the layers of blankets wrapped around him fall gracefully onto the bed to reveal a bare and heavily scarred torso. Most of the scars Sirius had seen before, but there were some that looked very recent, too recent to have been the result of the full moon. "Sirius?"

"I think you should go to the Hospital Wing," he answered, not daring to pry into Remus' life because he was afraid of seeing Remus' fake smile.

But he saw it anyway. Remus shook his head and his eyes thinned in an almost pitying manner. "You're only saying that because James told you to." Sirius didn't deny the fact, even though it was partially true. Remus sighed as he pulled on a shirt that covered all the scars except for the ones on his hands. "I've said I'm fine, if not just a bit tired. Really." That was the third time Remus had said the word "really" and Sirius wasn't sure who Remus was trying to convince.

Sirius watched Remus pull off his threadbare pajama pants and nearly fall from the effort, which was strange because not only was Remus taking his time doing a task he usually completed in seconds, but also because Remus seemed to be breathing very hard. When Remus nearly tripped again while trying to put his pants on, Sirius got up from the bed and placed the back of his hand on Remus' forehead to find it burning with fever.

"Remus," he exclaimed out of shock and almost pushed the other boy over. Quickly, he grabbed on of the pale hands and pulled him upright to find that his hands were frigid. "The hell with being alright! You've clearly got a fever or the flu," he said angrily, not letting Remus pull away from him. "You're going to the Hospital Wing."

Remus smiled again, but this time there was a sort of frantic look in his eyes. "It's nothing serious." His breathing quickened even more as his eyes darted around every so often. "You're going to be late. You don't have to take care of me. I can do that by myself and I know that you don't really like me. So it's fine if you just leave, Sirius. Really. Just go."

Sirius stared at Remus with his eyes narrowed as if the other boy was insane. "You look like you're about to die. Even if I didn't like you, I wouldn't leave you here to die, Remus. Come on, we have to go." He tugged on the thin hands but Remus didn't move.

"Ah, Sirius," he managed to say calmly even though the rest of his body was struggling with staying still. "I can't just leave without my pants, right? So if you'll kindly let me go, I can put them on and we can leave." There was a soft edge of desperation to his voice and Sirius realized that Remus trusted him about as much as he cared for Remus, which was to say, very little.

So he abruptly let go of the other boy who fell backwards and hit his head against the corner of his trunk. His eyes unfocused before they fell shut and his body slumped over like a rag doll left alone. Sirius froze for a moment, not believing his eyes. Then, what happened hit him so suddenly, he stepped back in shock before rushing forwards to wake Remus up. But no matter how many times he shouted "Remus", the other boy never woke. Frenetically, he decided that the only option was to take Remus to the Hospital Wing and hope that Madam Pomfrey would have a solution.

Too worried to be reluctant, he put one arm under Remus bare legs and another at the crook of his neck. With much more effort than was necessary, he lifted Remus up and started walking as fast as he dared to the Hospital Wing.

--

Sirius decided that there was no point going to class because if he did then he was likely to come running back with James and Lily, which was a complete waste of effort. So instead, he sat watching Madam Pomfrey fret about Remus. He had tried to find out what was wrong with Remus, but the woman, convinced Sirius had something to do with his condition, snapped at him to shut up while she worked if he wanted to stay. He shut his trap and waited with his arms and legs crossed for some information.

It must have been at least half an hour before the woman was calm enough to tell Sirius that Remus was now resting in a peaceful sleep so it would be kind not to disturb him. She also mentioned that he had the flu that she could easily solve, but her voice was not cheerful or confident like it usually was when she could fix a problem. It seemed as if there was something else wrong with Remus and she knew but couldn't change. Something that was more than just his lycanthropy.

Sirius sat there watching Remus sleep rather peacefully. Madam Pomfrey had given Remus a dreamless sleep potion and left another one behind with the instructions that Sirius was to give it to Remus if he started having a fit. It seemed as if Remus was doing just fine and Sirius stood up to stretch his legs.

He almost made it to the window when James burst in with Lily close behind him. He took one look at Remus before he opened his mouth and a rush of concerns came out.

"Sirius, what happened to him? Why didn't you come to class? Is he alright? I knew something was wrong with him. I don't think he's been eating properly. He's clearly too weak and faint. Oh Merlin, you don't think," he glanced at Lily and Sirius was glad to see that there was still some sanity left in his friend, "that the full moon will end him do you? Sirius-"

"Shut up." Sirius continued his walk to the window and pushed it open a bit so that he could take in the fall air. He took a few calming breaths before answering. "Madam Pomfrey says he has the flu, but he'll be fine. So shut up and go back to class."

"Wait a minute. Why the hell should _I_ go to class?" James stormed up to Sirius and growled, "I should be the one here for him. So why don't _you_ get _your_ ass over to Herbology while _I_ stay here and watch him?"

Sirius rounded on James with his eyes narrowed just as intently as James'. "Because _you_ are just going to bombard him with questions that will make him upset even if he won't show it," he hissed back before letting out a huffy breath and standing up straight. "And you're just going to sit here alone and worried, James. So you might as well go to class and worry while doing something. Besides, I don't think I could stand being with Peter right now. He's such an idiot and I hardly think today will be any different."

James watched as Sirius slipped under a mask of indifference and couldn't help but feel that maybe Sirius was right. After all, Remus had been awfully short with him lately. But still, Remus had been _his_ friend first and it wasn't as if Sirius cared for Remus as much as he did. He opened his mouth to say so when the forgotten redhead tugged on his sleeve.

"James, he's right." Her green eyes that looked at him with compassion were so different from they way they usually glared with contempt and he felt himself give in. "Sirius will come get us as soon as Remus wakes up and this way we can get Remus all his work so he doesn't miss anything, okay?"

He turned his gaze away from her and towards Remus who had his mouth slightly open and was dozing peacefully. Then he looked at Sirius who nodded. "Alright, but if he's not awake by lunch, I'm taking over, got it?" He glared at Sirius who merely nodded once more before he left with Lily gently closing the door behind them.

--

Sirius had grown bored of watching Remus sleep and had taken out a book from his bag to read. He was on page fourteen of their new Defense Against the Dark Arts book with Remus started mumbling. He looked up from the book and saw that Remus' eyes were closed, but his face was twisted into fear.

"Please," he muttered softly as he shifted in the bed. "I didn't mean…It wasn't…He…Please…" Tears were beginning to leak behind the closed lids and Sirius reached for the potion, but as he was about to tip it into Remus' mumbling mouth, he thought that it would be better to wake the other boy instead.

"Remus, wake up," he said softly and on command the golden eyes flew open.

They took a moment to register where Remus was and who was talking to him. Once they did, the panic melted away from them and they relaxed as eyelids half-covered them.

"I see you managed to take me to the Hospital Wing," he commented so serenely that he might have been talking about the weather.

"It wasn't hard," Sirius replied warily. He reached up and put his hand on Remus' forehead, ignoring the body tensing underneath it. "Your fever's gone down. James will be glad to hear that."

Remus sighed half in exasperation and half in relief that Sirius had taken his hand away. "I suppose he will." His eyes glanced down to the side. "I do wish he would stop worrying so much. I mean, we only just got back from vacation."

"Yeah, well, I guess he really cares for you. You're like his brother, in a way." Sirius shrugged, not sure what to say, but knowing that if he didn't keep talking there would be an uncomfortable silence between them.

Remus' lips twitched upwards into a small smile. "I suppose he does." Then he looked over at Sirius, his gaze still sleepy and vague. "But you don't." He paused just long enough for Sirius to understand what he said but not to respond. "I've always wondered why you tolerated me and Peter. I've seen you act towards people you don't like. They aren't worth a second glance. Then there are those that you think are good fun, but not fun enough to be your friends. I suppose we would fall into that category." He licked his lips then looked around for a glass of water. "Is it just for James that you talk to us? I know," he found one and took a generous gulp from it, "that you couldn't care less for me. After all, when was the last time we spoke, just the two of us? And Peter? I know." But what he knew, he didn't say and Sirius figured Remus knew too much.

Sirius shrugged. "I guess so." As much as he hated to admit it, the elitism his family had instilled upon him still remained imbedded in his system and perhaps the reason why he did so much for James was because James was pureblood where as Remus was not only half-blood but a werewolf as well. And for Peter. Truthfully, Peter could have been any blood and Sirius still wouldn't have liked him.

Remus laughed lightly and leaned back onto his pillows that had magically rearranged themselves so they propped him up in a half sitting position. "I like you, Sirius, you know? I've always admired you for your brashness and honesty even if it hurt people sometimes. Even that time when you yelled at me for being stupid and a werewolf like it was my fault, I thought it was admirable." He sighed and shut his eyes. "Anyway, you can go now. I think it's safe to say I'm not going to die soon and I'm sure you must be starving."

"I can't," Sirius replied truthfully as he sat down in the chair next to the hospital bed. "James would shoot me if I did." He waited for a response, but the tired face only smiled briefly in return. "Remus," he whispered softly after a moment and Remus opened his eyes to look at him questioningly. "You have something more than the flu, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked back with his eyes lit up as if he knew exactly what Sirius was talking about and was only humoring the other boy.

"I mean that there's something you aren't telling us. I know you wouldn't tell me anyway, but you haven't mentioned it to James or Lily and it's something that's killing you."

"You want to know, would you?" Remus smiled sadly and Sirius wondered when the last time it was that he saw Remus actually smile for the sake of being happy. "Well don't tell either of them, then." He waited for Sirius' hesitant nod before answering, "You're right, Sirius, it is killing me. Or rather they are killing me. My heartaches."

--

A/N: Yes, a new story. I had actually intended this to be a one shot, but then I was led off course. It's not going to be very long. Rated M because I'm gonna try to do that. A bit stranger. In fact, so strange that I'm tempted to put it under Angst, but I shall refrain, because only Harry Potter is allowed to be angsty. And Remus is serious; his heart hurts. God hates him, so he now has heart problems.


	2. 2

Sirius didn't know what to say to that. He had no idea how to respond because this wasn't like the werewolf situation. He couldn't stand up and yell at Remus for being a cold-hearted monster, even if he wasn't. He couldn't storm out in anger and confusion, because he wasn't angry and he had no reason to be. If anything, he was a bit sad and lost and he pitied Remus. But of course, he couldn't show he pitied Remus, because Remus would never stand for that.

So at a loss of what to do, he only stared at Remus with his face blank and hiding the bewilderment behind cold eyes. Still, he was grateful that Remus closed his eyes and leaned down into his pillows. It was almost as if Remus had predicted Sirius' reaction and hadn't expected anything more of Sirius.

"Will you ask Madam Pomfrey if I can go down to lunch?" Remus asked after a few minutes very calmly. Sirius didn't understand how Remus could be so composed while lying in a hospital after being knocked unconscious while being sick and after telling Sirius something clearly fatal.

But he stood up and nodded anyway, glad for a reason to be away from Remus.

"Thank you," Remus said as he reached the door even though he never opened his eyes.

Sirius thought about saying, "You're welcome," or "No problem" in return, but his voice was still missing, and Remus still didn't look like he expected anything from Sirius. Or, for that matter, from the world.

With that thought, he walked past the other beds to Madam Pomfrey's office wondering why it was Remus looked so peaceful with his eyes closed and so at rest. Almost as if he belonged to always look that way. As if he should never open his eyes, so no one could ever see a haunted and sunken look in the orbs that should be glittering with gold. Or as if no one should ever see his false smile because it doesn't seem as if he'll ever smile for real again.

"Madam Pomfrey?" he called out and a crash responded him.

There were a few seconds of angry muttering and some spells being cast before she appeared before him with a sour look on her face. "Yes, Black?"

He grinned his best boyish grin and said, "Remus would like to join us for lunch in the Great Hall. That's alright, yeah?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, too used to his smile to be fazed by it and frowned. "Well that depends on how Remus is feeling. Give me a moment." The woman disappeared back into her office and there were a few tinkling noises before she reappeared with a couple potions in her hand. "Come on then," she gestured towards Sirius before she stepped by him and walked over to Remus. When she got there, her face was no longer surly. Instead it was bright and cheerful and scared Sirius very much because of its happiness.

"Hello, Remus, dear. Did you sleep well?" she asked as she bustled around him, tucking in the corners of his blankets and checking his temperature.

Remus smiled back sweetly and Sirius could swear he was ten or eleven again. "Very well, Madam Pomfrey. Thank you."

"Good, good. No one distracted you then?" Though she was still smiling as she took out her wand and waved it over Remus' body, her eyes turned to glare at Sirius.

Remus laughed a little. "No one at all." The glowing around his body faded away and, while the woman tried to remain looking happy, her eyebrows were furrowed with worry. "I was wondering if I could go down to lunch." He patted his stomach which growled on command and smiled sheepishly. "I haven't eaten all day and it _is _the first day of school. I haven't seen my friends or gone to any classes." He paused at looked at her to see that she was already starting to melt with all his excuses. "So please," he asked with his eyes open wide and his voice very soft, "please could I go?"

She sighed compliantly and said, "I don't know, Remus. I think you should stay a bit longer just to make sure that flu doesn't come back." But even as she pressed her head against his forehead for the forth time, she knew it was a lost cause.

"I'll come back right away if it does," he promised eagerly. "Sirius and James will make sure I do, won't you?" He glanced over at Sirius who grunted in response and looked back at Madam Pomfrey who had a look of resignation on her face.

"If you say so," she dragged out reluctantly as Remus pulled off the covers she had just neatly tucked in. "But as soon as classes are over, take this potion." She shoved a purple vial into his hand as he got up. "You need your rest."

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey," he replied with a nod as he put the vial away into his pocket.

She sighed again, gave a stern look to Sirius, and bustled back to her office. Remus began to grin at Sirius, before he realized that the other boy wasn't James, and made a fuss about getting his shoes on. By the time he had gotten his shoes on securely, James had arrived in the Hospital Wing with such a bang that Madam Pomfrey rushed out of her office and tossed all three boys into the hall. But James didn't care if he just landed on his bottom with Sirius' face dangerously close to his crotch. All that mattered was that Remus was safe and sound and not in danger of dying from any flu. Although, Remus pointed out to James when he had shoved Sirius aside in favor of crushing Remus in a hug, Remus was in danger of dying from lack of oxygen.

"Pah," James responded though he loosened his grip, "you don't need air to breathe, Remus. You're a werewolf."

Remus chuckled and tried to push the other boy away. "Unfortunately, I haven't yet discovered the ability to survive without air. So until I do, will you please refrain from depriving my precious oxygen source?"

"Very well then," James replied huffily as he let go of Remus who made a big show about taking in all the air he could possibly breathe. "Until then." Then his lively face fell into one of concern and care as he analyzed Remus' pale complexion. "So you're not going to snuff it, are you?"

"Not unless you plan on killing me soon," Remus answered lightly as he picked himself off the ground and held a hand out towards James. "Why do you ask?"

In an instant, the carefree expression was back on his face as he took the offered hand. "What? Can't a friend worry if he needs to plan the funeral of a fellow friend?" He started to walk towards the Great Hall before realizing that nobody was following him. When he turned around to see why, he realized that he had forgotten Sirius, but luckily Remus had remembered.

"Well, in case you do plan on murdering me, I'd like you to know that my favorite color is midnight blue and I want to have my coffin match my robes. Also, you're going to have to pay for my funeral in return for killing me, because I am saving my money to buy something amazing and I don't think my parents would like to spend their money on the funeral of their son that their son's murderer is planning," he said after helping Sirius up and catching up to James. "Did you get that? Also, I would like some green flowers and it would be lovely if you could have me buried near home. Or, I wouldn't mind being cremated, as long as you kept the ashes."

James, who had whipped out a quill and some parchment, paused in his writing and looked at Remus with a perplexed look. "Why would I keep the ashes?"

"As a constant reminder that you killed me, of course," Remus replied with a smile. "I thought I said green flowers," he noted, pointing out the mistake on James' paper. "Not pink."

"Yes, well, green flowers seem boring. I thought pink flowers would make things a bit brighter." But he scratched out the word pink and wrote below it green.

"James, my friend," Remus said in a solemn and mockingly disappointed voice. "This is my funeral you're planning not my wedding."

"So then, I could plan your wedding?" he asked rather hopefully as he rolled his parchment to a different section and held his quill ready.

"I'd sooner let a monkey bite my face off than let you plan my wedding," Remus responded indignantly.

James pouted in return as Remus let out a small laugh and patted James comfortingly on the back. After two pats, the arm snuck around James shoulders and stayed there as they made their way to the Great Hall. From behind the two of them, Sirius wondered how it was that he ended up as James' best friend and not Remus. After all, it seemed to him that Remus was a lot closer to the other boy than Sirius was. He could not remember the last time James had hugged him, and yet, James didn't seem capable of going through a day without attacking Remus. And so, Sirius was confused on his first day back at Hogwarts without having gone to any lessons yet.

--

That night, Remus pulled the curtains tight around his bed and shielded it with silencing charms. James had frowned pointedly at this, certain that something terrible was bothering Remus and feeling as if Remus should come out and talk to him about it. But, he knew, as did the other two dormmates, that Remus was a quiet person, and even more so of one when it came to himself. Still, he didn't like that Remus was keeping secrets from him, especially when he usually poured all his to Remus, and told this to Sirius. Sirius frowned, not because, as James had thought that he agreed with James, but because he knew what was bothering James and he had promised not to tell.

"_Something_ must have happened to him over the summer," James insisted for the fifth time after he settled himself down on Sirius' bed. "That's _not_ normal behavior for him. What is it that he's keeping from us?" His frown deepened as he stroked the few strands of hair on the tip of his chin. "Nothing seemed odd in his letters over the summer, but then again, he didn't really say anything in them." He sighed and threw his hands up in exasperation. "Why is he hiding it? Doesn't he know that we'll find out sooner or later?" He stared at Sirius who had buried himself under the covers and was trying to ignore James. "What _is_ it?"

Sirius glared at James for a moment before turning so that his back was facing the other boy. "Have you tried asking him?" he asked obviously.

"No, Sirius, I have not _tried_ asking him. I _have_ asked him and all he ever says is nothing!" he practically screamed back at Sirius. "After all we've done for him, he has the gall to say _nothing_ is the matter and that I should stop _wasting_ my time worrying about him. _Wasting my time!_ Do you think this is a waste of time? Don't I have a right to be afraid if he's going to die? Damn it, Sirius! What the bloody hell is wrong with him?!" He reached over, grabbed Sirius by the shoulders, and shook him, just in case Sirius didn't get the message.

Being irritated, confused, and upset, Sirius pried James' hands off of him and growled back, "Maybe if you laid off him for awhile, he would tell you what the fuck is wrong with him. Don't you think you're being over-protective? He is a big boy now, James. He doesn't need you."

"Over-protective?" James shrieked as he flung himself dramatically off the bed. "And what are you then? His secret guardian? Sirius, you don't fucking understand! You haven't been there in the Hospital Wing on his worst nights! You haven't seen his scars fresh and bleeding! You weren't there the day he ripped his arm so badly, it was barely hanging on! You haven't seen his skin when it was so pale from all the bruises, that it was a light shade of blue just beginning to turn purple! If I'm not there to protect him, who the fuck is?"

It was true and Sirius did not deny it. The first year after they found out about Remus' lycanthropy, he had not gone up to the Hospital Wing with James and Peter under James' Invisibility Cloak to check on Remus. The truth was, James soon found himself alone up there because Peter was too weak to handle the sight on his friend hanging onto life by a thin thread. Sirius' reason for not going was nothing like Peter's. It was only that he had been upset with Remus for keeping such a big secret and worried that Remus, even in his weakened state, could kill him even if he wouldn't try.

"Maybe I don't understand, James. Maybe you're right, but I do know that you're suffocating him. He doesn't need your protection to this degree. You're," Sirius paused for a moment to find the right word. "You're obsessed with him. He's not fragile. He's a fucking werewolf for Merlin's sake!" His voice rose to the level of James' and Peter found that he could no longer pretend to be sleeping.

"I'm not suffocating him!" James shouted back insistently. "And I'm not obsessed. He's my friend who _needs_ my help because it doesn't seem as if any of his other _friends _help him," he snarled at Sirius who glared at the accusation.

"Well, aren't we helping him too? Isn't that why we've been doing so much extra work for the past three years? Or have we just been messing with powerful magic to become animals just for the hell of it?" Sirius shot back angrily.

"Hell if I know. You're probably in for the thrill. It's not like you ever _wanted_ to be his friend in the first place. Don't look at me like that. You know it's true. You called him a freak, called him a prick, called him-"

"At least I didn't moon over him all the time! Constantly wondering what he was up to. _Needing_ to know where he was at every moment of the day! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in love with him!"

"Well, being in love with him is better than _pretending_ like you're his friend! He needs real friends to care about him and I think it would do him well for someone to love him! Merlin knows he needs it. Didn't you see him on the first day? He was all alone. Who knows where his parents got off to?" James paused to take a breath, his chest heaving laboriously with fury and frustration. "Why the hell they left him there by himself with something so heavy, I'll never know."

"Maybe they knew he was old enough to take care of himself."

"TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF?!" James bellowed furiously as he restrained himself from grabbing Sirius by the shoulders and shaking sense into him. "HE WAS BLEEDING FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

"HE HAD BANDAGES ON, DIDN'T HE?" Sirius roared back as he threw the covers off of him and prepared for a fight. "IT WASN'T AS IF HE WAS-"

"Unprepared," a quiet voice finished from the bed next to Sirius'. Both boys whirled around to see a worn out face peeking from behind closed curtains. Then a small smile appeared on it as golden eyes peered out apologetically. "Sorry. You were a bit loud and I suppose my silencing charm wasn't good enough for that." The brown-haired head popped back behind the curtains, but a few moments later, the entire body emerged draped with blankets. "I think I'll go catch up on some work." Even though he took his bag with him out the door, both James and Sirius knew they wouldn't see them again that night even if they stayed up all night waiting.

--

Sirius hadn't meant to, but he did stay up all night. After James set the blame on Sirius and went to sleep, Sirius threw himself back under his covers and tried to sleep, but the events of the day made him too restless too. For starters, he knew that Remus had been completely serious when he had said that he had heartaches, but he didn't know whether that was metaphorical or literal. If it was metaphorical, who had broken Remus' heart? And if it literal, what sort of disease did Remus have? He felt that he should have told James what Remus had told him, but, not only was it a betrayal of trust, James would go insane and Sirius didn't think that was the right way to go about things. However, he didn't have the right solution in mind either. Though, Sirius had refused to take the blame for Remus' departure, he had felt guilty about it because this had been his and James' first big fight and Remus was deprived, yet again, of a good night's sleep.

So, against his better judgment and will, Sirius pulled himself out of bed at four in the morning and dismounted the stairs into the common room. It took him three seconds to locate Remus and another two for Remus to spot him back. Half a minute went by before Remus brought his arm up and signaled for Sirius to come join him on the couch. Forty-three seconds later, Sirius had ambled over and settled down on the opposite end of the couch in front of the fire and had breathed a sigh of relief, quite unconsciously, to find that Remus wasn't huddling in his blankets. Perhaps two minutes passed, before Remus let out a small sigh, put away his heavy book, and leaned back against the couch.

"Up early, I see," he commented softly, his voice laced with fatigue.

"As are you," Sirius replied, equally as tired. "Studying already?"

Remus smiled lightly. "Well it is the year of our O.W.L.s." Sirius scoffed and Remus laughed a little. "Not studying yet, but I should soon. We all should really." He sighed and closed his eyes. "And you and James should lay off the pranks for this year. Just a little at least. I don't want you two to fail and not be able to secure jobs in the future."

"Not worried about Peter or yourself," Sirius joked stiffly in return.

"Peter's a bit of a hopeless case, but I'll try to make him remember things. And why would I worry about myself?" Though Remus' tone was light, it was lined with something akin to defeat.

Sirius didn't reply and Remus didn't say anything more. After a few minutes, the brown-haired head rolled slightly to the side and Sirius thought Remus had fallen asleep, but then it jerked back up again and the large eyes opened and turned to find that Sirius was still there. He flashed a smile before looking away at the pink and purple tinged sky through the window.

"I lied to James, you know," Remus said so quietly that Sirius almost had to lean closer to hear his words. "That's my favorite color right there, but it's hard to put it into words. You can't describe it as the color of sunrise, because the sun hasn't quite risen yet, but it really is beautiful, isn't it?"

Sirius looked over Remus' head and saw that the quickly changing color was indeed beautiful and filled him with a feeling of joy and hope. "Why not just call it pink?"

To his surprise, Remus shook his head avidly and looked shocked at Sirius' suggestion. "Because it isn't pink at all. It's pink with purple and blue. Almost like a bruise, but a lot prettier. And," Remus shrugged, "it's just not a color you can describe in words, Sirius."

Sirius nodded even though Remus, who had turned his head back towards the window, couldn't see. They basked in a sort of relaxing silence and Sirius thought it must have been relaxing because of Remus' sudden openness. He waited for a moment, not wanting to break the silence, but vying for the opportunity to have his questions answered, before he opened his mouth and shut it again.

By now, the sky was a golden-yellow and the rays of the red sun filtered into the room and bounced off Remus' hair in such a way that it gave him a halo. Sirius had never believed in the muggle idea of angels, but he had heard that they had halos and he wondered, for the briefest moment, if angels looked like Remus, so peaceful, serene, and out of place in the human world. But the angle of the light changed as quickly as it came, and Sirius found himself staring agape at a teenage male werewolf.

So he shut his mouth, to save his dignity, and opened it mouth again, to find to his pleasure that words came out. "Remus, what did you mean when you said your heartaches were killing you?" he asked softly, almost afraid that his normal voice would break the atmosphere they had created.

Remus turned around slowly to look at him with that fake smile of his stuck on. "What do you think I meant?"

The words, "If I knew, why would I be asking you," were on the tip of his tongue, but he found he couldn't say them because, even if Remus' face was falsely happy, his eyes were begging Sirius to answer him honestly. Because, it seemed, if Sirius were to answer truthfully, Remus would do the same.

"I don't know," he replied before adding, "Maybe that someone hurt you badly."

Remus laughed again, but, this time when he was done, his face fell solemn instead of happy. "More than just one person and more than just badly."

--

A/N: I bet you're dying to know what happened to Remus, 'cause I know I am. I hope you understand the vague feeling Sirius has in the beginning, because that's probably one of the world's most awkward feelings, as well as the color Remus is thinking of in the end, because quite honestly, it is a beautiful color. (And if you've never seen the sunrise, I recommend you go take a look). I also have new headphones that should come with a laptop, but the laptop's a bit slow. But yay! Also, yeah, it's a bit shorter than last time and only has three sections all in the spanse of 18 hours or so. But next time should be worth it, yeah? And this whole long paragraphs of thought is very...taxing on the thinking mind, but it is good excercise and maybe it'll prove to be as effective as crossword puzzles are at preventing/delaying Alzheimer's!


	3. 3

Sirius never got the chance to ask Remus what happened, because Lily Evans had come down the stairs at five to start her prefect duties. Of course, she had also taken Remus with him, after making him change into his robes. Sirius had no idea what the two of them expected to find at five in the morning because it was an awful time to be awake and no one in their right minds would wake up at four-thirty to have a shag in a deserted room at five in the morning. But he was in no position to stop him, nor did he feel the great urge to.

For the next two weeks, he also found that he was rarely left alone with Remus. After James apologized to Remus for fighting about him (even though Remus said there was no need to apologize), James stuck to him all the time trying to find new ways to make Remus laugh. Peter, too, made a great effort to keep a smile on Remus' face. Lily kept close to Remus to distract him. But Sirius acted as he usually did: indifferent to what was happening and only acting when James prodded him to. Although, he did start to keep a closer watch on Remus than he had before, and he noticed, that every-so-often, when Remus didn't think anyone was looking, the tawny-haired boy would press a fist against his chest right above his heart and his face would relax for a moment. Though it confused him, Sirius kept this information to himself and didn't bring anything more up to Remus.

So it surprised him when the night before the full moon, he was the only one who was able to transform and maintain control over his Animagus form, which turned out to be a large black dog.

"Fuck," James muttered as his body jumped back to being human again. He had been back on speaking terms with Sirius only two days after their fight, mostly because Remus had pushed him to it. "I can't stay like that. It's too hard," he complained as Sirius shifted elegantly back to his original form.

"Yes, well it takes a lot of time and practice to master," Sirius replied with a smile, pleased that he was able to do something James couldn't. "Fortunately for me, time was all I had this summer, but I suppose you were too busy with Quidditch practice, weren't you?"

"I was," James replied indignantly before turning to Peter, who so far had managed to spurt a tail that was so tiny, it looked like it was a worm sprouting out from his behind. "And what's your excuse?"

Peter looked ashamed as he tried to get rid of the tail and shook his head. "I just can't do it. I swear, I tried all summer, but this is all I can do. Though," he looked up excitedly, "once, I managed to change my ears. I think I'm going to be a rat!"

"Whopee," Sirius intoned sarcastically. "We'll make a great trio tomorrow night, won't we? Little Peter and his worm-tail, James and his ever changing body, and me. Remus will just be jumping at joy to see us and possibly eat you two."

"Shut up, Sirius," James growled with irritation at his incompetence and Sirius' behavior. "We're trying our best aren't we?"

"Yeah, Sirius. That's not very nice of you to make fun of us," Peter piped in like a five-year-old.

"Quiet, Wormtail," Sirius hissed while making fun of the tail still poking out of Peter's trousers. "So what are we going to do? You two can't possibly go down there and there's no way in hell I'm going there alone."

James lit up instantly. "Why that's a great idea, Sirius!" He pushed himself off the floor and stood up in front of Sirius a little threateningly. "You can go there by yourself! You're a big dog and Remus is a wolf. He already said that only humans are in danger when he's a werewolf and you being a dog will only give you an advantage. You're both canines, so he's not going to hurt you and you can keep him from hurting himself!"

"Didn't you hear me, James?" Sirius shot back with his eyes furrowed in anger. "I said there's no way in hell I'm going there alone. Or did those prongs of yours somehow mess with your hearing?"

"Oh, I heard you fine, Sirius. I heard, 'James, I'm a stupid prick who doesn't give a whit about my friends, so I need your help to make me care about the people who I'm supposed to be caring about,'" James replied, his hazel eyes lighting up dangerously.

Sirius picked himself off the ground and pulled himself to his full height, which was half an inch taller than James. "I think you need your hearing checked, because I'm not going to do this. What if he kills me? I know he _said_ that he doesn't hurt animals, but he's never been around them, has he?"

"He had a dog when he was a kid," Peter offered before James could fight the threat Sirius was building. Both pairs of glaring eyes turned to Peter and he seemed to lose his courage. "He-he s-said that s-sometimes the d-dog would co-come out and p-play with him. H-he said th-that he n-never hurt the d-dog when he-he was a w-w-wolf."

"See?" James haughtily told Sirius as he puffed his chest out and Sirius, finding the sight too funny to retort, gave in to laughter, which distracted James from his initial goal. Sirius never did end up giving James a definite answer.

--

Remus entered the dormitory silently and found that all three boys were in their respective beds. He smiled softly in a motherly manner and gently made his way to his own bed. Then he sat down on it and let out a tired sigh before taking off his shoes. Then he pulled off his robes and was searching for his pajamas when Sirius asked, "Did you have a dog?"

Remus jumped up and turned around suddenly with panic apparent in his eyes. "Merlin, Sirius," he whispered as the alarm subsided, "you scared me. Why aren't you asleep yet?"

Sirius shrugged and pushed himself up on the bed so that he was in a half sitting position. "Did you?"

Remus finished pulling on his pajama top before giving Sirius a confused smile. "Yes, when I was very young. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

Remus stared at him for a few minutes, his eyes boring into the others, until he decided that there was nothing he could figure out from the deceptive silver eyes. So he shrugged and crawled onto his bed.

"Is there anything else?" Remus asked when Sirius kept watching him. "Because if there isn't, I'm going to sleep now."

Sirius stared at him and Remus could tell that there was clearly something Sirius wanted to ask, but was hesitant to. But after awhile of tiredly staring back, Remus reached out for his curtains and said, "Good night, then." However, before he could draw them closed, he froze for an instant with his body tense and waiting. Though it was dark, Sirius could see the golden eyes wide open with fear and panic, but as quickly as that instant came, it disappeared and Remus seemed to be normal again.

"Wait," Sirius said as Remus continued to close his curtains as if nothing had happened.

"Yes?" he asked patiently from the parting of his curtains.

"Will you be alright tomorrow night?" Sirius answered a little hesitantly.

Remus smiled. "Of course. No need to worry about me." But his voice was quiet and unsure.

"Don't lie."

Remus looked up, shocked to hear that it sounded as if Sirius cared, and shook his head. "I'm not-"

"You are," Sirius cut off shortly as he sat up fully and glared at Remus, trying to figure out what he was hiding.

"Well, if you already knew that answer, why are you asking?" Remus snapped back suddenly, before realizing his rude gesture. "Sorry, I mean, what do you want to know from me? Do you want me to say, 'No, I'm not going to be okay tomorrow night. In fact, I'm afraid I'm going to die tomorrow even more than usual'?" His eyes deepened with water and Sirius was afraid of the tears that were about to fall.

"Why?" Sirius asked softly with curiosity. "Why are you afraid?"

Remus turned away and wiped the bottoms of his eyes with the back of one hand. "Because it's going to hurt," he replied, barely audible. "Because I'm going to hate myself. Because I'm going to just be hateful in general. Just," he took in a deep breath and turned his face back towards Sirius with another smile, "just because."

Sirius was overcome with the urge to cross over the small space between them and slap Remus across the face to see if that smile of his would disappear. But he didn't because it didn't seem like the right thing to do, especially since tears kept leaking from the corners of the sad eyes. Instead, he was caught with another urge, but this one was the complete opposite of the other. Sirius felt the need to walk over, gather Remus into his arms, and just hold Remus until he spilled everything he had been hiding from them. He didn't do this either, but spent enough time thinking about it that Remus had already whispered, "Good night" and shut his curtains firmly.

It was when Sirius realized that both of his urges had to do with making Remus feel better that Sirius decided he would go the next night to help Remus. After all, if his subconscious was telling him to comfort the other boy, then his conscience was telling him that he couldn't let Remus be in danger of dying.

--

Sirius left right after Remus did that night. James was ecstatic with Sirius' decision and kept giving Sirius pointers all day, which were mostly useless because they followed the lines of "Play with him, alright? And remember to frolic in the grass, because I think he'd like that." At first, Sirius had to keep reminding James that Remus was not a toddler in an open field, but those reminders just flew past the messy head.

The sun had just finished and there were a few kids wandering outside between the Greenhouse and Hagrid's hut. Though James had offered Sirius his cloak, Sirius declined, claiming it unnecessary, but was beginning to regret his decision when flocks of people stopped occasionally to talk to him or point him out. Luckily, it was dark and most of the children were safe within the confines of the Hogwarts castle.

Sirius was just about to relax against the tree he had been standing next to when a sharp human cry startled him. Slowly, the cry grew louder and more feral, turning into a painful howl. It was long and agonizing and Sirius knew at once the amount of pain Remus must be feeling. When it stopped, there was an eerie silence that lasted for a minute before another howl emitted from beyond the Whomping Willow. This time it was vicious, like a predator warning its prey of its arrival. Unfortunately, the predator was the prey and Sirius decided it was time for him to intervene.

He grabbed a stick off the ground and started walking at a brisk pace towards the Whomping Willow. As he strode across the grass, scream after scream of pain and joy hit his ears and made him go faster until he was running to the tree. As soon as he reached the Whomping Willow, he jabbed the knot that Remus had shown them one day and, without waiting for the tree to completely freeze, transformed into a big black dog. He ran down to dark earthy tunnel in his new body until his feet no longer touched dirt and tread on wood instead.

He heard a howl stop suddenly and could smell the other animal above him. From the tense air hanging around him, he knew the werewolf could sense him too and was coming for him. Sure enough, there was a loud banging on the door.

One, two, three, Crash! A few seconds of silence. Soft pattering of padded paws. A pause. A sniff. The dog sniffed back, but stayed completely still. Large bounding clumps. A miss in the step. A tumble. And a large gray wolf lying on the ground at the bottom of the stairs with distrust glimmering in his eyes.

As soon as he spotted the stranger in his dwelling, the wolf scrambled to his feet and growled ferociously. If the dog was at all frightened, he didn't show it. Clearly, this was the right thing to do, because the wolf eased up a little and slowly padded over to the dog.

_Stay still_, Sirius told himself as the werewolf circled around him. Though easy to demand, it was hard to carry out because of the way the wolf was so hostile and smell of the blood leaking from the wolf was overcoming his senses. _Don't move_. The wolf edged closer and a long snout prodded the fur around his neck. He was certain that the other canine could feel the rapid beat of his heart, but he desperately hoped that the wolf wouldn't take it as fear. The snout, wet with blood, dug around the dark fur, sniffing for something familiar. After a few seconds, it suddenly froze and then pulled away. Then the wolf sat back on its haunches and its yellow eyes glinted with amusement and acceptance.

He barked at the dog demandingly and warily Sirius walked over. The corners of the wolf's lips lifted and he barked again. Sirius barked back, unsure of how to react, and, suddenly, the wolf jumped up and scrambled up the stairs. Dark gray eyes stared at the spot where the wolf had been to find a pool of sticky red liquid there. They narrowed intently before the wolf barked again from the top of the stairs impatiently.

Sirius turned around to see the werewolf waiting for him a little angrily. He growled back and climbed the stairs as slowly as he dared. As soon as he reached the top, the werewolf ran down the long corridor before entering the only open room. It wasn't exactly open because it wanted to be, Sirius noticed as he followed the wolf. It was open because someone had forced the door down. He supposed this was the crash he had heard earlier.

Careful not to step on any splinters of wood, Sirius entered the room only to stop in horror at what he saw. There were only two pieces of furniture in the room: a tall dresser and a bed. Almost every inch of the room was painted in maroon, though there were some red spots and, by the way they shined in the moonlight, they were new additions the werewolf had added this night. The only areas without blood were the very tops of the walls and the ceiling. Sirius saw, as the wolf got up on his hind legs to get something on top of the dresser, that this was because the wolf could not reach high enough to touch the tops of the walls, much less the ceiling.

It took a few moments for the wolf to tug down the pile on top of the dresser. When the bundle fell to the ground, Sirius saw that it was Remus' clothing and he wondered why the boy didn't put them inside the dresser instead of on top of it. He thought it was very irrational of Remus, especially when the wolf started using its claws to rip through the cloth to find something. Sirius, finding a spot on the ground with the least amount of blood, lay down on the ground and watched the wolf busy at work. He thought it was amazing how the wolf didn't seem to notice his wounds or care for them at all. In fact, there were a few open cuts from which blood was just dripping out at a steady rate and the wolf just kept on searching.

It didn't take long for the wolf to find what it was looking for that was hidden inside the pants pocket. His long snout snapped happily inside the pocket before it bit something hard and pulled it out carefully. Sirius thought that this gesture was strange, especially since werewolves were supposed to be dark creatures and were not supposed to have emotions or thoughts similar to humans. However, what was even odder was that the wolf brought over the object hanging from its mouth and laid it in front of Sirius. When Sirius merely lifted his head to see what it was, the wolf nudged the necklace closer to the dog.

_What do you want me to do with it?_ he thought, not knowing how to communicate this question to the wolf. But it seemed as if a whine was enough for the other to understand.

He picked the piece of jewelry up back with his teeth and nodded upwards with his head for the dog to sit up. It took Sirius five more impatient nods before he got up onto his feet. Then the wolf nodded downwards, and Sirius flopped back down. The wolf growled madly and Sirius was on his feet again before he realized the downwards nod was for his head only. So he lowered his head while keeping his eyes focused on the wolf. But he didn't have to because all the wolf wanted to do was slip the golden chain with the shinning pendant onto the dog.

After it was on, the wolf sat back and admired his work for a moment, before jumping at the window. This move startled Sirius, who barely had time to register the wolf was gone again. He thought for certain that the glass had shattered from the force the werewolf placed on it, but luckily it didn't and Sirius thought it must have been protected with a charm.

The dog ambled over next to the wolf who still had his paws and pressed against the glass. The wolf howled forlornly but not at the moon, Sirius noticed. Instead he was howling at the concept of being trapped and longing to be outside.

Sirius barked at the wolf to get him to stop and he did, but not because of Sirius. He froze suddenly, just as Remus had the night before, but instead of waiting for the feeling to pass, the wolf fell to the ground with a thump. Sirius stared at the body in shock, for what must only have been a second, but felt like an hour, before he barked loudly, snapping his teeth in the wolf's ear, to get him to wake up. When nothing happened, he raised his voice and started pushing the wolf until a paw scratched his chest in irritation.

The wolf shoved Sirius aside and the dog was too relieved to be angry at the hurt the wolf had caused. Yellow eyes narrowed in arrogance and the wolf turned away as if disappointed in the dog for being such a nuisance when he was clearly alright. A short bark of laughter left the dog's mouth when he saw the display the wolf set up, but no smile followed it because Sirius saw that the wolf as now clawing at his own gray-furred face. He wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, but he was certain that the action was causing the wolf to bleed even further.

_Stop it!_ Sirius tried to shout, but only an angry bark emitted from his mouth. This made the wolf to turn around and realize that he still had company. That small amount of time was enough for the dog to bound over and press a paw against the offending claw.

The wolf snapped playfully at the dog, clearly thinking that this was some kind of game, and, when the dog opened his mouth in return, the wolf turned away. He got ready to run, but a rough tongue touched his face and licked at his wounds. The wolf whimpered suddenly and tried to get away, but he had unluckily chosen to dwell in a corner and found himself trapped. So, he tried using a scare tactic of bearing his sharp teeth for the dog to see, but Sirius just nudged the snout away with his own and returned to licking the cuts.

Sirius wasn't sure why he was doing this. He blamed it on the fact that his brain was small as a dog and clearly addled by something that was going on. But he knew, as he felt the wolf start to relax under his tongue, that he was doing some good. Pretty soon, the wolf had curled up in the corner as the dog moved down on his body and was treating the wounds on the thin stomach. Judging by the steady movement of the wolf's body, Sirius was certain that he had fallen asleep and, soon, Sirius too joined in slumber.

--

Remus woke up slowly to find that he was not cold as he usually was and the unusual warmth was because of the big shaggy dog sleeping beside him. He smiled and placed a hand onto the dozing body before stroking the fur softly. Brief glimpses of what had happened the night before flashed through his mind and he was pleased to find that he wasn't bleeding like he usually did.

Sometime while he was busy thinking, silver eyes had opened up and were staring thoughtfully at him. Remus' smile widened and, for the first time this year, it was honest and beautiful. There was nothing weighing down on the corners of his lips and nothing swirling through his golden eyes to stop him from smiling brilliantly. The dog opened his mouth and licked Remus sloppily on the cheek in return.

"You remind me," Remus said softly, his voice hoarse, "of my dog." His hand scratched lazily behind one of the pointed ears. "He was big and black like you, but we took really good care of his fur, so he was shinier than you are. He was the only thing that was allowed near me during my transformations because I wasn't able to hurt him and he was a good companion. But he died when I was ten."

Remus sighed and his hand lowered to the dog's neck where he found the golden chain. Then he grinned. "The wolf must have liked you a lot." The silver eyes blinked and Remus fingered the pendant fondly. "My mother gave this to me when I was first bitten. She had one just like this, only it was silver instead of gold and hers had a moon instead of a sun. I remember that when I was very young I had always wanted hers because it was so pretty and full of a beautiful light. Then when I was bitten, I remember touching hers and screaming from pain. The next day, she came to me with this and she told me," Remus paused for a chuckle. "You're going to think this is really sappy, but she told me to always keep it nearby because it will always remind me that the sun is nearby to take me away from my pain." He looked into the dog's eyes expectantly and the dog barked softly. "Yes, it is sappy, but it helps." He took in a deep breath and pressed his forehead against the dog's. "She died this summer. It broke all our hearts because she wasn't supposed to die, you know? Fenrir Greyback killed her. Father couldn't do anything to save her and I tried," Remus' voice, though soft, was starting to audibly crack. "I really did try, but I…" He trailed off. "He…" Remus blinked a few times to clear his eyes. "Father was afraid he would lose me too. And I…I lost so much," Remus whispered painfully. His arms had wrapped themselves tightly around the dog and his face was buried in the soft fur. The dog didn't move as Remus shed silent tears into the fur and, by the time Remus had clamed himself down enough, the sun had already risen.

"I missed it," he said quietly and the dog thought Remus had cut off his tears too soon. "I missed the sunrise. And the colors. And…oh!" Remus sat up suddenly and, stepping over the dog, rushed to the dresser. "Damn it! They got torn up!" Then he ran over to the bed, picked up a few of the sheets and started assembling them around himself in a sort of toga. He turned around and showed them off to the dog. "What do you think?" The dog growled disdainfully and Remus laughed. "They'll have to do for now." Then he walked over and patted the dog fondly on the head. "Keep that safe for me, okay? I have to get going now." After getting a consenting bark from the dog, Remus disappeared.

The dog watched through the window as Remus crawled out of the hole of the Whomping Willow and met up with Madam Pomfrey. As soon as Remus was out of sight, the dog turned back to a human. Fingers playing with the chain on his neck, Sirius Black took the tunnel back outside and hoped that he could get a few hours of sleep in his own bed before having to think of anything else.

--

A/N: Yipee! So I went to the Apple store today (by the way, this has nothing to do with you) to fix my iPod Nano (which got bubbles in it) and instead of fixing it, they gave me a brand new Nano! I got a really nice case for it, so it won't die so quickly again, and it's brilliant. Named it Hephaestion. Points and maybe a story for whoever can guess what I name my laptop (which should be coming soon)!


	4. 4

He slept for several hours and, when he woke up, he was surprised to see that he was alone in the dormitory. Sirius had thought for certain that James would have waited to pester him for information, but then again, James had probably gone up to the Hospital Wing to check on Remus. As to the whereabouts of Peter, Sirius didn't care.

He now sat up in bed, still tired and feeling filthy. Remembering the remark Remus made on his fur as a dog, he laughed and got out of bed to take a shower.

Sirius had much to think about, though there was very little of it he wanted to think of. Still, the thoughts flooded into his mind as the water of the showers washed away the dirt from the Shack.

He could not explain his sudden change in behavior last night. It made little sense to him why he, as a dog, was much more compassionate than he was as a human. He also didn't know what he was supposed to do with everything Remus told him. Should he tell Remus that he was the dog? And if he did so, would Remus take back all he said or even try to Obliviate Sirius' mind? Yet, it seemed as if Remus confided in the dog more than he ever would in a human. Sirius thought that this was a good for Remus. _And if I tell him that I was the dog, he would never say another word to me. Then who would he talk to?_ Sirius asked before realizing that he was sounding a lot like James.

He shook his head and turned off the showers. All this thinking was making him crazy. So he decided, as he wrapped a towel around his waist and wiped the foggy mirror, that he would simply stay silent as long as Remus didn't bring up anything. Which he probably wouldn't, because Remus didn't know it was him.

"Right," he half asked his reflection in the mirror who beamed back at him. "Exactly."

"Dearie," his reflection answered as Sirius picked up a toothbrush, "I've heard that insanity starts with talking to yourself. Also, that's Peter's."

Sirius dropped the toothbrush with disgust before finding his own and snarling at the mirror. "Well, I'm not exactly talking to myself, now am I?" He stuck the bristles coated with toothpaste into his mouth and started scrubbing furiously.

His reflection merely held a similar toothbrush loosely in its hand. "You rather are." Then it let go of the toothbrush to examine the necklace hanging around its neck. "Oooh, isn't this a pretty little thing? I never would have pegged you as one for wearing jewelry." Then the reflection stuck its face as close as possible to Sirius and grinned. "Who's the sweetheart who gave it to you?"

Sirius spat out his mouthful of spit and pulled off the necklace with a growl. "None of your business." He kept it in his fist, not daring to set it aside in case he forgot and Remus found it.

"Oooh, a secret, is it?" the reflection teased. "Let me guess." It put a finger up to its face as Sirius glared at his reflection while trying to get it to stop moving so he could comb his hair. "Is it that redhead Lily who James talks about every-so-often?" Sirius laughed at every-so-often and continued pulling the comb through his hair. "No, no. What about Penelope Colby that Peter mentions sometimes?" Sirius had finished by now and set the brush down. "Not at all then. Leslie Tanabe, then? Remus speaks of her quite nicely."

Sirius shook his head and laughed. "Leslie is a boy and it's none of your business at all." Then he walked out of the bathroom with the mirror grumbling disappointedly after him.

"Nice to see you in a good mood," Remus greeted from the bed next to Sirius'. "It seems as if no one has heard you laugh in awhile."

"There hasn't been much to laugh at lately," Sirius replied as he made sure the necklace was still safely hidden in his hand. "Shouldn't you be in the Hospital Wing?"

"Maybe, but Madam Pomfrey was nice enough to let me go. She practically insisted that I get out of there and enjoy the nice day," Remus answered with a bright smile matching the September sun.

Sirius couldn't help but smile back as he walked over to his own bed and sat down on it. "So, this is how you enjoy a nice day? Staying in bed?"

"Well, James found me just as I was about to go outside and he demanded that I go get some rest." Remus chuckled. "He also said to sit still and he would get me some soup. I think he's mistaking lycanthropy for a cold."

"Trust James to make a stupid mistake like that," Sirius replied, about to open his hand to make a gesture before realizing the necklace was still in it. Quickly, he shoved it under his pillow and ignored Remus' curious glance. "So," he coughed awkwardly as he got up and went over to his trunk, "you're not badly hurt."

"I'm just as surprised as you are," Remus responded honestly, averting his eyes as Sirius changed from his towel into clothes. "But it seems as if God pitied me and sent me a savior in the form of a dog."

"God?" Sirius asked back, glad for the shirt covering his face.

"A muggle deity," Remus answered with a smile in his voice. Sirius found himself oddly pleased at the level of comfort Remus was talking to him with. "You should consider taking Muggle Studies."

"And why the bloody hell would I do that?" Sirius retorted arrogantly. "Nothing good ever comes from muggles."

"Don't let James hear you say that," Remus chided playfully, but it seemed like a bit of happiness was gone from it. "Lily came from muggles."

"What I meant was," Sirius said hastily as he just realized that Remus' mother had also been a muggle, "learning about muggles is pretty much useless for me."

"Ah, I see, then," Remus replied with a knowing look in his eyes. Then he looked around the room and asked, "Did you just wake up?"

"Yeah, I didn't get much sleep last night. I was busy," Sirius paused and stood up stiffly, "studying."

"Really?" Remus asked suspiciously and also as if he knew better. "Since when did Sirius Black study in the first month of school?"

"Since he realized that it was the year of the O.W.L.s and that if he didn't study, he would be severely punished when the reports got mailed out."

"Well, then I am proud of Sirius Black for realizing that grades are important in his life and for studying so early on." Remus beamed at him and Sirius felt something inside him swell at making Remus proud, which was an odd feeling, but he had been having a lot of odd feelings lately, so he figured one more couldn't hurt. "If only," Remus continued, his voice louder than before, "James and Peter would do the same. Then I would be able to be proud of all my friends and wouldn't have to constantly worry myself to death about you all."

Suddenly the door burst open and James and Peter rushed through, the former carrying a tray of food and an apologetic face.

"Remus, we'll study hard! I promise!" James set the tray suddenly onto the nightstand in between Remus and Sirius before wrapping Remus in a giant hug. "Don't die because of us! What will we do? How will we _live_ without our Remus to constantly take care of us and nag us?"

Remus laughed and lifted his arms around James. "All I ask is that you work as hard as you can and I can promise you I won't die."

"Oy, Potter!" Sirius exclaimed suddenly after he used the distraction to move the necklace from under his pillow to his pocket. "You only brought enough food for one person."

James let go of Sirius to examine his tray and realized that what Sirius said was true. "So I did. Well, you're a healthy boy, yeah?" James grinned. "So, you can go get your own food!"

"It's alright," Remus interjected. "I'm not that hungry and you brought so much, James. I don't mind sharing as long as we can go to Honeydukes tonight."

Sirius shook his head and turned away. "You don't have anything I want to eat. I'll just go get my own."

As he walked away, he heard James saying, "We can go to Honeydukes anyway," and Sirius shook his head again.

--

Sirius didn't return to the dormitory until nighttime. He also hadn't seen the three boys after he left. To be fair, he hadn't exactly looked for them, but that was only because he knew that they were all in the dormitory and he….Well, Sirius just needed some time on his own, that's all. But now that it was night, he figured he should go back and bid his three friends goodnight, not that they would worry about him.

He sighed after opening the door to the empty dormitory. _They're probably all at Honeydukes_, he thought a little sad that they had left him behind.

Sirius flopped onto his bed and relaxed against the sheets before pulling the necklace out of his pocket. He held it in the palm of his hand for the twentieth time that day and examined the engraving he had found once more.

_As long as the sun rises._

He was pretty sure he knew what the engraving meant, but he didn't know what the meaning of it was. Surely it was supposed to be inspirational and comforting and he could see how that would be so for Remus, but the fragmented sentence was what confused Sirius. _What happens as long as the sun rises?_ he found himself wondering again.

Sirius sighed, knowing that if he kept on thinking, he would just end up thinking in circles like he had done the entire day, and slipped the necklace over his head. He admired it for a second before tucking it under his shirt and shutting his eyes. He thought about taking a short nap, just until James came back with some chocolate he could steal. Then he could accost them for leaving him behind.

"Having a good dream?" a voice whispered next to him.

Sirius turned his head to the side with his eyes open to see Remus kneeling beside his bed with shocked eyes.

"Oh, sorry," he said at once, getting up to his feet. "I thought you were asleep."

"Do you often talk to people in their sleep?" Sirius asked, feeling oddly comfortable being alone with Remus.

It seemed as if he was not the only one who felt that way because Remus smiled and replied, "People, yes. You, not so much."

"Really?" Sirius rolled over to his side and propped himself up on one elbow so he could properly see Remus, who was still sitting on the ground in between their beds.

"Yes, it's quite amusing. You should try it sometime," Remus suggested. "If you're really good, they talk back to you and end up spilling their darkest secrets. That's how I know that Peter is terrified of his grandmother's cat and James is really in love with Lily Evans. Although," he chuckled to himself, "that's not really much of a secret with the way he always flirts with her." Remus looked away from Sirius as his voice trailed away softly and turned his attention to the wood floor. His golden eyes traced the patterns of the ground as if trying to find a secret message.

"He really loves her?" Sirius whispered so quietly that it didn't seem as Remus hear him. Then he cleared his throat, which snapped Remus' eyes back to his, and asked in his normal voice, "Weren't you going to Honeydukes?"

"What? In my weakened state in which I can hardly stand up to save my life?" Remus asked with fake disbelief. "Why that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of! No," tawny hair shook back and forth, "no. I must let James and Peter do my bidding and stay in my room like a good little boy until they come back."

Sirius watched as Remus beamed at him and his tongue slid off the roof of his mouth with a "tsk" sound. Remus' smile fell as he looked back at Sirius curiously.

"Don't you ever get tired of how James acts?" Sirius asked, irritation clear in his voice. "Doesn't it bother you the way he always clings on to you? Don't you think he's over-protective?"

"Yes," Remus sighed as he brought his knees close to his body. "It gets irritating sometimes, but I don't mind. It's," Remus paused and lowered his head to lean it against the top of his knees, "it's nice to know that people care for me like I'm normal."

--

Sirius soon found that the reason why he rarely ever spoke to Remus on his own was because they both seemed to be constantly busy. During classes, Sirius sat with James while Remus sat with Peter. When it was mealtime, the four of them sat together in a group. In the morning, Sirius was one of the last to wake, while Remus was always first. And at night, Remus was out doing prefect duties while Sirius stayed in the common room pretending to do his work.

Yet, during the moments that he did find himself alone with Remus, he found that they were different from before. Remus was no longer the only one that initiated the conversation and there were fewer silences. Even if they were somehow both silent, it was consensual and full of thought.

Sirius tried explaining to himself the sudden change in behavior between them, but he found himself with no excuses within a matter of seconds and always ended up fishing the necklace out from under his shirt and just staring at it.

It was during one of these moments a week and a half after the full moon that Remus showed up in the Hospital Wing. Sirius hastily shoved the necklace away before Remus could see it and wondered why the boy was there.

As if reading his mind, Remus answered, "I heard Snape hit you with something bad. I thought some chocolate might make you feel better." He pulled out a purple wrapped candy bar with the Honeydukes logo printed in gold and handed it over to Sirius.

"It can't be that bad if I'm alive, right?" Sirius replied as he unwrapped an edge of the chocolate and bit into it. "Thanks."

Remus sighed heavily as he pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed. "Being alive isn't the only important thing," he said very seriously before his face became light. "Anyway, James sends his regards and is sorry that he can't come visit you. He's currently busy stuffing his mouth with food so he won't be exhausted during his detention later. He did, however, give me this for you." Remus handed over a folded piece of parchment. "He said it was a list of things to do once you get freed. He also expects you to cause great mayhem and chaos." Remus grinned. "But don't do so while I'm there, please. I'd rather not have to give you detention as well."

Sirius took the list from Remus and unfolded a corner of it. "What did he do this time?"

"Exploded Snape's cauldron in the name of revenge," Remus responded casually. "Well, now that I have confirmed your well being, I should go."

"Go where?" Sirius asked immediately with a slight frown.

"Prefect duties." Remus sighed and stood up. "I'll see you later, Sirius." He gently touched Sirius' shoulder before waving and walking away.

After the door closed, Sirius realized that that was the first time Remus ever willing touched him in all five years that they've known each other.

--

By the time Sirius was released from the Hospital Wing with a warning to stay safe, Remus was already in bed, but neither James nor Peter were back yet. He decided that Remus must have been asleep, since his curtains were shut, and went to take a shower. It was quick one and moments later he was lying on his bed trying to fall asleep when a whimper came from the bed next to his.

"Remus?" Sirius whispered as he sat up, waiting to see if he had just imagined the sound.

"No," the boy murmured urgently and Sirius pulled aside the curtains to see Remus tangled in red sheets and gripping mercilessly at the pillow that had slid from his head to next to his body. "It's not my fault…I didn't…Please…"

"Re-" Sirius reached his hand out but pulled it back just before he touched Remus. Though they may have gotten closer throughout the past few weeks, he didn't think they were quite that close yet. And, what if Remus still feared his touch? Wouldn't he just be making things worse? And, would Remus suddenly pull back if Sirius asked him questions about his nightmares?

"You can't!" he cried suddenly as his body stretched out before curling up tightly. "Please…don't leave." Sirius was shocked to see tears falling from closed eyes. "I'll…anything…just, please, stay…"

Sirius knew that those words weren't meant for him, but he couldn't help but follow them. He sat down on the edge of the bed, hesitating with uncertainty. The bed sank just enough for Remus shift, but not enough for him to wake.

"I can explain," there was an edge of desperation to the usually calm voice. "Listen, please, I-AH!" Remus screamed and flew up in bed panting heavily. His hands scrambled out of his sheets and pressed themselves tight against his chest. His head lowered in relief but still water fell from the half-open golden eyes. He didn't seem to stop, nor did he seem to notice until a pink tongue scraped itself across his cheek. Remus took in a sharp breath before noticing that it came from a familiar looking dog and smiled.

"It's you," he breathed. He stared at the dog hesitantly for a moment before throwing his arms around him and buried his face in the fur. "Merlin, what are you doing here? How did you get here?"

The dog barked and snuffled into Remus' ear, which shook slightly as Remus chuckled in response. "I think you need a name, yeah? How about Mr. Snuffles?" The dog growled angrily and Remus let go in surprise and laughter. "What about Padfoot then?" Silver eyes narrowed curiously. "Well, because you somehow always sneak up quietly. And by always, I mean the two times that I've met you. So, does Padfoot work?" There was a bark of consent before the tongue drove itself roughly up Remus' face again.

"I'm glad you agree." Remus lowered his eyes and lifted his hand to the pendant swaying slightly before the black fur. "I bet," he whispered, gold never leaving gold, "you'd like to know why I was screaming, huh?" There was a gentle dip of a snout and the boy smiled sadly. "Remember when I said I had lost so much?" He paused, not to wait for confirmation, but to organize his mind. "Someone…someone very important to me…" He took in a breath and started over. "I also lost someone important to me. He had been my best friend since I was little and more than that for the past two years. He knew practically everything about me. Everything but my lycanthropy." His lips trembled, trying too hard to keep a perfect smile. "If-if I had my way, I never would have told him. He…Greyback told him. Just…just another one of his plans to destroy my life. As if killing my mother and nearly killing me as well wasn't enough." His voice hardened with hatred as his eyes narrowed dangerously.

"But, I'm fine, mostly," he whispered, his thumb rubbing tenderly against the engraving. "He only grazed my heart that night. You would have been proud of me." Padfoot had the feeling Remus wasn't talking to him anymore. "I got him good. He was a right bloody mess by the time he hit me. But," Remus sighed, closing his eyes and letting go of the necklace, "but I know that if he was really trying to kill me, he would have done it." His hands trailed up the dog's fur until they linked behind his neck. "Do you know what he said?" Remus asked as his fingers tangled themselves tightly with the fur there. "He said that he would let me live long enough to know what hell was like. Then he would come kill me once I begged him to."

Padfoot whined slightly and Remus settled his head once more in the dog's fur. "There are some nights when I think about asking him to come and kill me. Some nights when I dream about him taking away my pain. But I know I couldn't do that to my father or my friends." He laughed softly. "They say they need me in life, but they don't know how much I depend on them. I _live_ for them." He paused and lifted his head away long enough to stare into the deep intelligent silver eyes. "And now, I live for you too, Padfoot. I'd never be selfish enough to ask this of you if I knew you could understand me, but don't leave me alone, okay? I know you can't stay here, but promise me you'll come back. Promise." And Padfoot licked Remus again before letting the boy cling onto him until they both fell asleep.

--

A/N: A bit lighter in mood than the other chapters. Influenced in part by happy yaoi anime in which the ukes always make irritating moaning noises that makes you wonder how the hell they're considered to be men. :) Anway, there's Remus' past that he's been hiding. No, he doesn't know who Padfoot is yet, but he will soon. And remember how I said this would be a short story...eh, it'll probably end up being longer than I planned. Anway, enjoy! And if you don't understand what the hell Remus is talking about, no worries, you'll get it later. Maybe...


	5. 5

Sirius woke up the next morning with Remus clinging on to him. Thin scarred fingers were wrapped tightly around the silk in front of Sirius' chest and a warm head was pressed against his back as strands of golden brown hair spilled into Sirius' vision. He took in a deep breath, meaning to let go of it in an exhausted sigh, but he found himself breathing in a sweet scent of honey, chocolate, milk, and warmth that belonged to Remus. Though he had never smelled anything like that before, it gave him a strange nostalgic feeling of playing in meadows.

He allowed himself another sniff before his mind alerted him of what he was doing. Suddenly startled into realization, he pulled away from Remus and froze when the other boy groaned.

"'S going on?" Remus mumbled as he lifted his fists to his eyes and rubbed them. This gave Sirius enough time to pull open the curtains and make it seem as if he just had been checking in on Remus.

"Nothing, nothing," he answered hastily as he looked around the dormitory. "I was just checking on you, because I didn't see you last night," Sirius lied as he let out a small sigh of relief that no one else was awake yet. "Also, it's six-fifty," he added on with a quick glance to the time. "Evans might come up to drag you away soon."

"Mrf," Remus replied into his pillow as he settled himself back to sleep.

"Remus," Sirius said in a mockingly stern voice. "Get up. I don't want Evans to burst in here and see all of us in our pajamas. Especially not James. Merlin forbid she sees James in whatever it is he wears, or doesn't wear, to sleep."

Remus' body heaved up and down in laughter before he turned onto his back and opened his sleepy eyes at Sirius. "Don't worry, Sirius. Lily's eyes will remain unscathed because it's the Hufflepuffs' turn to monitor the halls." Then he shut his eyes and rolled away from Sirius. "Now go away and let me go back to sleep. I was having a very good dream involving puppies and chocolate."

"You weren't dipping the puppies in chocolate were you?" James' bleary voice drifted over to them. "And, for your information, Evans would absolutely adore what I wear to sleep, which is practically nothing." He threw off the covers and stood up. Sticking his hips to one side and sticking a finger to the corner of his mouth in what he thought was a seductive manner, he posed and showed them that he did indeed wear practically nothing to bed. Of course, Sirius was the only one watching and he burst out laughing. "Shut up," James growled as he slumped over and sat down next to Sirius on Remus' bed.

"Puppies taste better with whipped cream," Remus answered as he turned back to face the two of them. "And I'm sure she would. Especially with your scrawny little chest and skinny legs."

"Hey!" James cried out, clearly offended. "My chest is very bulky and manly from all my quidditch exercises and my legs are very well-toned. Besides," James snuck a hand under the sheets, "it's not like you're one to talk, Mr. I-don't-eat-enough-meat-for-there-to-be-anything-on-my-body-except-skin-and-bones." His fingers crawled onto Remus' flat stomach and began tickling him.

"S-s-stop!" Remus yelled, fully awake now. "I-it hurts!" He grabbed hold of James' wrists and tried to push the boy away, but failed. "James! Y-you don't kn-know how to t-tickle right," he complained as the broad fingers dug underneath his ribs.

James pouted and withdrew his hands to cross them in front of his chest. "Well then how do you tickle right, Remus?"

Remus sat up grinning with a malicious glint in his honeyed eyes. "Well, first you creep towards the other person slowly." Remus held his hands out in front of him with his fingers slightly bent and leaned in towards James. "Then you attack them!" He pounced at the messy-haired boy and his fingers grazed lightly over sensitive skin. James started laughing and twitching, much like he was having a seizure. "And see, how that tortures without hurting?" Remus concluded his lesson as he continued to tickle James.

--

Sirius, finding that Remus was in a more playful and lighter mood for the rest of the day, snuck back into Remus' bed as Padfoot that night after James and Peter had fallen asleep. Remus, who had been murmuring softly, gently woke up when Padfoot nudged him with his nose and quickly pulled Padfoot into a hug. No secrets were passed that night. The only words Remus said were, "You came back," and that was enough.

After the third night of Padfoot, Remus came to expect the dog to burst in through the curtains at a late hour. He had also stopped asking how Padfoot came in and where he came from because he never got more than an impatient bark as an answer. Instead, every so often, he would tell Padfoot little details about his life that Sirius never knew. For example, when he was four, he fell off of his tricycle because he had tried to ride over a stack of books he hated, and that's when he met Ryan, the boy who would leave him eleven years later because Remus was a werewolf. Remus had also been raised as a muggle Christian because his parents didn't think he would be able to become a wizard and so didn't want to raise his hopes. But the most shocking thing that startled Sirius more than he would have ever expected it to, was that Remus liked James more than he should have.

"I know I shouldn't," Remus confided softly a week before the next moon, "but I can't help it. He's always so nice to me and he always cares so much. He didn't run away when he found out I was a werewolf. In fact, he came to help me. It's what he does for all his friends. And 

besides, he loves Lily." The boy paused for a long sigh before bringing his head out of the soft fur and staring into the deep gray eyes. "I hope the feeling passes soon."

When Sirius pulled himself out of Remus' arms the following day, he didn't understand why it felt so odd to know that fact. More than just odd, it _hurt_ him. It wasn't because he felt betrayed, because Remus had never been close enough to betray him and James certainly didn't like Remus back. But it stung.

For the rest of the day, he avidly avoided Remus, finding that even the slightest touch or sound from Remus made the stinging come back. Instead, he stuck to James and tried as often as possible to get James away from Remus. James wasn't too chuffed about the idea, but because Remus didn't seem to be in any danger and Sirius was his best mate, James went along with it. Although, he did grow very irritated with Sirius when Sirius barked at him to shut up whenever he mentioned Remus or the moon and left at dinnertime to find Remus in the library because Sirius was getting on his nerves.

Sirius practically swallowed the rest of his dinner after James left and quickly went after him, ignoring Peter's questions of his destination. Unfortunately, he never found James nor Remus in the library or anywhere else he looked. He even ventured down to the dungeons, which turned out to be a bad idea because he ran into a very angry looking Severus.

Had Professor Slughorn ever wanted to relate potions to teenage boys, he would have said that putting a pissed off Sirius Black and an angry Severus Snape was as dangerous as mixing Erumpent fluid and Hellebore. The mixture was more than likely to explode and create endanger both the user and the maker of the potion.

As soon as the two boys touched, wands were whipped out and shouts were heard. It didn't matter what the two were shouting about, all that mattered was that soon the dungeon was no longer empty and whispers were being added on to the shouting.

Perhaps it was lucky that as soon as Sirius raised his wand to shout a spell, Professor Slughorn ambled in and stuck the two with immediate detention for disrupting the peace, causing commotions, and ill will towards other houses. Both believed, as Professor Slughorn forced them to scrub cauldrons and organize the storage room, that the jolly Professor had merely made the last rule up in an attempt to create house bonding.

That failed seeing as how both boys grumbled rude words to each other the entire time and threatened revenge before they parted to their separate dormitories.

--

That night, when Padfoot crawled into Remus' bed, he knew at once something was wrong. Remus was awake, though his back was turned towards the dog, and didn't greet him enthusiastically like he always did. In fact, it seemed as if Remus was pretending to be asleep 

and trying to ignore Padfoot. Not liking the sudden change in behavior, Padfoot nudged Remus softly with his snout and whined when the other boy didn't turn around. He tried it again three more times, before he gave up and resigned to curling up in the empty space next to Remus. Because he had had an exhausting day, it was not long before he drifted to sleep. He swore, however, that he heard Remus whisper an apology before he fell asleep.

The next day, Remus was also avoiding Sirius and Sirius noticed that there was a strange silence and void between the four friends. It was strange, mostly because both Remus and Sirius seemed also not to be talking much to James, though Remus made an effort to remain normal. It was odd to see Remus so strained to be happy, but Sirius was certain, by the way James was unfazed by it, that this was not the first time Remus had done so, but merely the first time Sirius had noticed.

He tried again that night as Padfoot, but was once more ignored, though he could sense Remus' want to reach out to him. He attempted it once again, before giving up and hoping that it was only a side effect of the approaching moon.

He returned to his own bed for the first time in weeks for the last two nights. As the sun began setting on the night of the full moon, he got up to leave after Remus but was stopped by James.

"What?" Sirius asked in a surly manner.

"I'm coming with, but I want to get my cloak," James answered calmly before taking a drink of pumpkin juice.

"Wait. What?" Sirius prodded again, not sure he heard right. "How do you expect to come with?"

"Obviously in the same way you're going," James replied as he stood up and patted Peter on the back. "See you in the morning, Peter."

Peter waved at the two of them and James led Sirius out of the Great Hall.

"When did you manage it? How come you didn't tell me?" Sirius hissed, feeling thoroughly left out.

"About a week ago and because you were having some sort of issue in life that you weren't telling me about and being an absolute prick." James made a turn at the end of the corridor and started up the stairs.

"I wasn't trying to be a prick," Sirius replied defensively before he stopped right before the vanishing step and grabbed James as he sunk a foot into the step. "Get out of there. We don't need the cloak anyway. No one walks around there by the time the moonrises, so there's nothing to hide from. There's also nowhere to keep it safe."

--

The full moon passed very strangely for all three animals. The wolf, having been introduced to another animal, was ecstatic, but not quite as much as he was about seeing the dog again. The stag felt very out of place in the small shack and had great difficulty mounting the stairs to the room that the wolf liked to stay in. The dog was stuck between jumping for joy at being with the wolf and still being confused for the boy inside the wolf. When the moon began to set and dusk appeared, only the wolf was sound asleep. The dog and the stag ventured back outside and though Sirius wanted to stay behind to watch Remus wake up, they both returned to the castle for a bit of rest.

--

"James?" Remus whispered when he heard a shuffling from behind the curtains. "James, last night was amazing!" He sat up in bed, still speaking softly, and his eyes darted around to find the invisible boy. "I mean, I don't remember much of it, but I know that the wolf had a good time. Do you think that maybe next time we could go outside?" Remus asked. "Although, maybe that's not a good idea. Dumbldore did put me in the shack for a reason, after all, right?" There was no reply. Remus furrowed his eyebrows and frowned. "James?" The curtains shifted slightly again, like someone was leaving, but still there was no response. "I guess I was just imagining things."

Sirius sighed softly from the other side of the light blue curtains. He was disappointed, but for a stupid reason. He should have known that Remus would have asked for James especially since Sirius never visited, but…

He had only just entered the common room with the Invisibility Cloak in hand when James launched at him and gripped his shoulders tightly.

"How is he? You did go to see him, right? Is he fine? He looked fine last night. You don't think he could have hurt himself after we left, do you? I mean, he was already asleep, so that doesn't seem very likely. Is he alright?"

Sirius shoved the cloak into James' chest while successfully pushing the other boy away. Then he slumped down onto a chair nearby and shut his eyes. "Yes, Potter. He's perfectly alright. In fact, he wants to go outside next time. So shut your trap and go stalk Evans like you always do." His tone was harsh and impatient and Sirius could have blamed in on the lack of sleep if anyone asked about it, but he knew that it was nothing like that. Yet what it was… His heart tensed and Sirius pushed aside the feeling. _Impossible_, he thought to himself. _I like girls. I'm just…_He paused and turned to look at James who was fleeing the room to go to Remus. _I'm just spending too much time with James._ Then he stood up from his chair and went back out the portrait hole in an attempt to find a girl to kiss just to prove his manliness.

--

Unfortunately, Sirius was unable to find any suitable girls to kiss. He wondered when it was that all the girls in the school began to have something wrong with them. Either they were too tall, or too short, or their hair was atrocious, or they're wearing ugly cloaks, or they have on too much make up. None of them were right "kissing material". When he found James later with Remus sitting under their tree, he told him of his dilemma. In response, James pointed out that Lily was the perfect girl to kiss because her pink lips were always so moist, to which Remus laughed and asked how James would know that.

"Well, her lips are always shiny," he answered thoughtfully as he pulled his arm away from around Remus' shoulders. "People don't have shiny lips if they aren't wet."

"What about Snape?" Remus asked and Sirius thought he saw the light fade in Remus' eyes.

"That's all grease," Sirius replied before he lifted his foot and prodded James with it. "Speaking of Snivellus-"

"Don't." Remus frowned as he looked up at Sirius and his lips stuck out unintentionally as he frowned. "Please, just leave him alone. It isn't like he has actually done anything wrong to you two." Remus sat up and pushed himself off the ground. Instantly, Sirius felt guilty for making Remus troubled.

"Sorry," he mumbled. As he did, he realized that he had never apologized for something so little to anyone but James before.

Remus must have been just as surprised, because his eyes widened incredulously as an eyebrow raised. "You don't have to apologize," he said, his tone softer than it should have been, "just don't pull anything mean."

"We won't hurt him," Sirius reassured as he asked himself when Remus became close enough that he felt the need to make sure they were always on good terms.

"That's all I ask," Remus replied as the corners of his mouth lifted into a smile and he placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius felt himself smile back at Remus softly and enjoying the warmth and weight of Remus' touch. "I better go find Lily and see what I missed last night then." Then he took his hand away.

As Remus left, Sirius found he missed the touch already and it pained him to not know when he would feel it again.

--

A week later with only five minor touches, Sirius gave in and crawled into Remus' bed when the dormitory was empty. He had not been able to sleep well lately and blamed it on the fact that he was used to sleeping as Padfoot. Even when he had tried to go to bed as Padfoot, it still took too long to fall asleep, and he often found himself wondering if Remus was sleeping well. So he took the opportunity when all the other boys were preoccupied to pull the curtains around the bed and fall against the sheets as a large black dog.

The first thing he noticed, aside from the softness of the bed, was an overwhelmingly familiar scent of warmth. He whined softly as he pressed his nose closer to the sheets and followed the strength of the smell until he found the strongest point on Remus' pillow. Greedily, he dug his face into the pillow, breathing in the sweet smell until he finally fell asleep.

When he woke, familiar gentle hands were stroking his fur in a very calming manner and a voice was muttering softly in the darkness. A body was sitting next to him, and it was a body he liked. Padfoot lifted his head and blearily opened his eyes to see Remus staring back at him with sad and thoughtful eyes. He woofed softly and shifted his head into the boy's lap.

"Padfoot," Remus whispered almost uncertainly. The hands shifted up behind the dog's ears. "I-Y-you know, I trust you, right?"

Padfoot didn't understand the hesitance to the words, but he softly barked his confirmative response.

"Then," Remus cupped the dog's face in his hands, forcing the silver eyes to look into his own. "Why don't you trust _me_, Sirius?"

--

A/N: Betcha you're like, "WHAT THE HELL YOU DOUCHEBAG! Who stops right as it's getting angsty and dramatic? WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM?!" (Please don't take offense to the word "douchebag"; my friend says it all the time as an insult...and he's rubbing off on me). Anyway, yes, enjoy.

My laptop came! It's a tablet and so completely awesome. In fact, this is the first word document I've uploaded from my laptop... Also, if any of you are on Gaiaonline and have a good RP, come find me and I might join. And if you're on 9Dragons, come find me and help me. :P


	6. 6

Out of shock, Padfoot transfigured back to Sirius and Sirius couldn't help but notice that as soon as Remus' hands touched flesh, they began to tremble. And yet, Sirius couldn't lift his head to take it away from the calloused hands.

Strong silver eyes never left determined gold ones as Sirius brought a hand around and clasped it over Remus' shaking one, pressing it closer to his face. Remus' breathing quickened and, on impulse, he pulled his hand back, but Sirius kept a close hold on it.

"How did you find out?" he asked.

"James told me," Remus whispered back. Though his words were unfaltering, his body was tense and trembling more than ever. Sirius had the feeling that the only reason why Remus was still holding onto his face was because he was afraid Sirius would fall onto his lap if he let go.

"Oh." Sirius let go of Remus' hand and pulled himself up into a sitting position. He sighed heavily, disappointment filling him as he heard Remus relax.

After a few moments of silence, Remus, with his hands folded in his lap, asked, "Were you ever going to tell me?"

It would have been easy for Sirius to lie and say, "yes", but he had made the mistake of lifting his head and looking at Remus' eyes as the other boy spoke. They were trying to hide feelings of hurt, confusion, and mistrust, but failing to do so effectively. "I don't know," he answered softly, wondering if Remus hated him yet.

"Well," his eyebrows furrowed together, trying to make sense of Sirius, "why?"

"Why what?" Sirius asked back while knowing exactly what it was Remus wanted a reason for.

"Why everything?" he specified. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you come every night? What were you trying to do? What were you doing tonight? Why did you stay silent?"

"Because," Sirius began softly and sincerely, "I didn't know what you would do. You told me so much about you; things that you had never told anyone else. You didn't think that I could understand you and if you did, you would stop telling me. I thought that maybe you would stop talking to me. You seemed to sleep better when I was there. I wasn't trying to do anything bad. It just seemed like you needed someone to talk to all the time. And I just thought it was good for you to tell someone. To just let things out and- Why are you laughing?" Sirius interrupted himself angrily as Remus' slight frame shook again with his mouth open and eyes filled with mirth. "This isn't funny, you know. I'm being serious."

"I know." Remus had stopped laughing, but was still smiling broadly. "It's just funny that…" Remus shrugged. "That you care so much, I suppose."

"And why exactly is that _funny_?" Sirius crossed his arms huffily, but his tone had relaxed slightly.

"Because I never knew Sirius Black could care for someone who wasn't James Potter," Remus muttered back before his smile fell and panic shot back into his eyes. "James. Oh Merlin, Sirius, don't tell him _anything_ I told you. Especially not…" Remus paused, words scrambling in his mind and his mouth not knowing which ones to spit out. "Not that, because it's almost over. And…he might stop talking to me and I don't think I could take that. Not now…and…Don't tell him about Mum or Ryan either." His voice came out in shudders, almost as if it were paining him to tell Sirius this, to beg Sirius not to speak a word. "Not a word, please. Not about Greyback. Merlin, Sirius, please."

It hurt Sirius to see Remus pleading with him so desperately. It hurt him because it wasn't right for Remus to be begging him, because it seemed the even if Remus confided in Padfoot, he didn't trust Sirius, because Remus was too good to have to suffer through so much. And finally, he understood why James had said, "It's not fair," so sadly on their first night back.

"Remus," he whispered and the other boy, who had cast his head down during his pleas, looked up, his eyes spilling with tears. Suddenly, Sirius pulled Remus into a tight hug, not caring if Remus had tensed and was now trembling with confusion and fear. It only made Sirius hold Remus tighter as if he would then be able to squeeze away all the troubles in Remus.

"Si-Sirius," Remus mumbled against the dark-haired boy's chest. "I can't breathe." His voice was shaky and distressed, but he didn't pull away from Sirius.

Pressing one broad hand on Remus' back filtering the other through his soft brown hair, Sirius loosened his hold. "You don't trust me," he said, voicing his observations. "You trust the dog who can't speak and therefore can't spill your secrets." He didn't wait for Remus' confirmation. "Why?" His voice was soft as he lowered his head to the crook of Remus' neck. "Why do you think I'm going to hurt you?" His breath blew against the strands of hair which acted as a barrier between their skins. "What have I done to you that makes you this way?" He could see the Adam's apple bobbing up and down every time Remus swallowed and feel the quick and steady pulse rushing next to his cheek.

"Nothing," Remus breathed back. "You haven't done anything at all." And that was the problem. Sirius the boy had done nothing to deserve Remus' trust and nothing to betray it. Remus was only acting based on what he assumed humans would do. Humans that were not James. Yet, Padfoot the dog, being an animal, had done everything for Remus. And Remus was having issues putting them together into one being. "You _won't_ tell, right?" Remus prodded again, his head tilting to one side, giving Sirius more space.

"Not a word," Sirius muttered back. He felt Remus take in a deep breath and expected him to let it go. But when he didn't and tensed inside, Sirius heard that missing heartbeat and panicked. "Remus!" he cried as he let go of the boy who was suddenly breathing again and smiling back at him.

"Thank you," he replied calmly though his body was limp against the bed post.

Sirius wanted to smack Remus across the face and demand to know what was wrong, but there had been too much that night already. Sirius knew that Remus still didn't trust him completely and that Padfoot would probably never be allowed in his bed again.

"Remus," he said again, shuffling closer to the other boy. "Can I stay tonight?"

Remus' face softened sadly. "No," he answered almost immediately. "Sorry."

--

Halloween, the following day, had been rather festive. Remus, Sirius, and Peter had not intended to dress up at all, seeing as how it was a Wednesday and they all had classes to go to. However, it turned out that James had different plans and immediately decided that they would all be different Greek gods.

"So," James said after waking the other three up at four in the morning, "I'm going to be Zeus, because I am the all powerful leader here, Sirius will be Hades, for obvious reasons, Remus will be Athena, because he's so smart, and Peter shall be Hermes, because I said so."

"That," Remus paused to yawn as he dropped his head onto James' shoulder, "is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"And why is that, Remus?" James asked defensively.

"Because, you cannot be Zeus – he was blond – Sirius might work as Hades, but he has no idea how to act as Hades, I am not female, and Hermes was a great flier, which, no offense, Peter is not."

"Well if you don't like my plans, then you can find yourself another person to sleep on." James shrugged his shoulders and Remus fell onto the bed.

Snatching his pillow from the top of his bed, Remus stuck his tongue out and rolled over into a more comfortable position. "I don't see why we had to have this meeting in _my_ bed. Isn't yours more comfortable, or Peter's, or even Sirius'?"

"Hey," Sirius interjected, surprised at himself how comfortable his voice sounded. "I take great offense to that comment. And what the hell are you two talking about?"

"Greek gods," James explained. "Famous dead people from Greece that apparently built the world or something like that." Then he beamed quite proudly at his knowledge. "Lily told me I was just like Zeus."

Remus and Peter snorted at the same time. "Did she mention how you were like Zeus?" Remus asked as Peter budged James to the side so he could sit better on the bed.

"Something about egos and women and something else," James recounted and the two started laughing again. He narrowed his eyes grumpily at them and said in a louder voice, "My point is that we should be Greek gods. And I did some research and thought that these fitted us perfectly."

"Of course you would," Remus replied as soon as he was done laughing. Then he rolled off the bed and ambled over to his trunk where he took out a big book and tossed it in James' lap. "Go to the very back of the book and read the summaries of the important gods, will you James?"

Mumbling incoherently to himself, James did as he was told and frowned impressively. "She was making fun of me?" Of course, no one answered him because the response should have been obvious. Instead the other three attempted to get a bit of rest on the cramped bed that Remus had returned to. They had almost all fallen asleep when James shouted, "Brilliant!" and threw the book at Sirius who batted it away on reflex, causing the book to land with a thump on Peter's head.

"Bloody hell," he muttered as he shifted the book off of him and placed it into Remus' hands. "What's so brilliant?"

"So, I can be Dionysus, Sirius can be Ares, Peter can be Hephaestus, and Remus will be Apollo!" He tore the book away from Remus and flipped open to the page he had been on. "It's perfect because I'm very party-like, Sirius is often angry, Peter's not very attractive, and Remus looks like a girl."

"Oy!" Sirius objected first, before the other two could. "I'm not often angry. I'm usually very placid and calm until someone starts insulting me at four in the morning on a weekday!"

"And, Remus doesn't look like a girl," Peter added on. "And I'm not unattractive, am I?"

"Not at all, Peter. James is just being a prat," Remus reassured. "And how come the other two _can_ be while I _will_ be?"

"Because if I gave you a choice," James answered quite obviously, "then you wouldn't do it. Whereas I can make Sirius and Peter do anything I want." He grinned arrogantly and then jumped off the bed before anyone else could object. "So, let's get started on our costumes!"

**--**

By seven-thirty, James had finished double-checking to see that his wreath of grapes was still sparkling and that his newly acquired ringlets were still neatly curled. Then he had declared the four of them done, even if Peter was having issues wielding his axe that Remus had made for him, and dragged them promptly down to the Great Hall. On their way down, several people had stopped to point at them in their bed sheets made to look like tunics, but that was nothing compared for what happened in the Great Hall.

It might not have been so terrible. In fact, few people would have even noticed them, if James had not shouted out in a loud voice, "The gods are here to start the party!" and then flung out a hand full of glitter at the nearest table and person, which happened to be Severus Snape. "For those of you who are not knowledgeable to understand who we are, I present to you ourselves!" He paused for dramatics, though there really was no reason to, because everyone was already quiet and waiting. "I am the god Dionysus, god of wine, frivolity, and parties! Hence the grapes," he pointed at his wreath and several people laughed. "This here is the god of war, murder, and bloodshed, Ares." There was a slow round of applause as Sirius growled and made his way to the Gryffindor table. Remus, not waiting to be introduced, followed him as James continued, "The beautiful newly-made blond that's walking away from us now is Apollo, god of music, poetry, prophecies, archery, truth, and the sun." Several girls "ooh"-ed at the idea and their eyes followed as Remus walked past him. "And last but not least is Hephaestus, god of fire and the forge!" Applause erupted from the audience, as they thought James was done and Peter blushed red before scurrying away to take a seat with Sirius and Remus.

James proudly strutted down to the Gryffindor table, and winked at Lily, obviously expecting her to admire his sudden gain in knowledge and adore him, but she merely scowled angrily back and continued to eat.

--

"Sirius," Remus sighed, shivering from the cold, "drive your sword through me, please."

Sirius looked up from the ground with his eyes widened. "I-What?" he asked as he kept his sword well sheathed.

"Kill me," Remus demanded as he leaned back against the tree's trunk. "Everyone at school has been staring at us today, more than usual. James won't let me put on more clothing and insists that we sit outside, because that's where Lily is. And there are flocks of girls just staring at us and _giggling_." As if to prove his point, a group across the lake glanced shyly at them, giggled, and walked away in hushed tones. "I don't think I can go on. So, spare me the pain and kill me."

Sirius scoffed and lay back on the grass littered with orange and red leaves. "Kill you and leave me here alone to deal with everything?" He grinned and shook his head. "I don't think so, Apollo." He reached up and scratched his neck. As he brought his hand back down, his fingers traced the lines of the golden chain and lingered on the pendant. "Besides," he added, knowing that Remus was watching his fingers play with the pendant, "if I killed you, who would guide the sun across the sky?"

Remus chuckled lightly, surprised Sirius had known that, and shrugged. "Surely the god of war, murder, and bloodshed can handle a couple celestial horses."

"Celestial horses?" Sirius wondered as he kept his eyes on Remus' which were following the movements of his fingers.

"Yes. Apollo had a chariot drawn by celestial horses which pulled the sun across the sky each day," Remus explained with a soft smile. His eyes watched steadily as the pendant trailed upwards, but they broke away when it reached Sirius' red lips. "Sirius, maybe we should have a talk."

"Aren't we talking now?" he murmured against the sun.

"I mean about the way you're acting," Remus whispered back, almost as if he were afraid he were wrong.

Sirius rolled onto one side and propped himself up with his elbow. "What's wrong with the way I'm acting?" he questioned, his voice growing defensive.

"D-" Remus hesitated before looking into Sirius' eyes. "Don't you think it's strange?"

"What's strange?" His tone hardened as did his eyes and Remus pulled his legs up to his body defensively.

"J-just the way you're acting. But nevermind," Remus said suddenly and shook his head. "If it's not strange, then it's not strange. I'm just being odd." He smiled too quickly and stood up just as fast. "I guess we should go to dinner then, right? I'll go and get James, shall I? Peter is sure to be with him, so-"

"Remus." Sirius caught onto the end of Remus' tunic and lightly pulled himself up with it. "Please don't leave," he whispered as he brushed aside the strands of hair covering Remus' flushed face.

"Sirius, what-" Remus began, half-heartedly attempting to get away.

"Please?" he asked, leaning in closer to Remus' face, not questioning his own actions. "We've been ignoring each other for a week. Forget dinner." Shifting his hand so that it cupped Remus' chin, he guided the startled face towards his own and gently, with care he never knew he had, placed his lips on the others.

As soon as he did, the trembling stopped but the entire body beside him tensed out of fear and shock. Though it shouldn't have been so shocking. It was obvious that Sirius was going to kiss him, Remus just hadn't thought Sirius was going to go through with it. In fact, Remus was hardly thinking at all as the soft lips pressed harder against his own and one of Sirius' warm hands steadied itself against his back. Then, as he realized that he was raising his hand to Sirius' hair, Remus stumbled backwards, almost falling if not for the hand still holding him.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed as the boy looked away with what seemed to be hurt filling his eyes. "What was that for? You-what-Sirius?"

"I like you," Sirius muttered back admitting it to himself and Remus at the same time for the first time. As if suddenly realizing what he said, he looked up at Remus in fear. "Remus?" he asked, his eyes begging for comprehension as if Remus could fix what was already broken. But he had forgotten that Remus himself was broken.

"No." The fading blond hair shook slowly, eyes never leaving Sirius'. "Sirius, no," he repeated like this was something Sirius could control, but Remus, of all people, knew that there were things in life that were uncontrollable. "No. You can't."

"Why?" Sirius asked, hostility suddenly overwhelming his other feelings. "Why can't I? If you can like James, then why can't I like you?"

"It's different," Remus lied. "You just can't. I don't want you to," he said in a burst of selfishness before he turned around and fled, leaving Sirius all alone under the giant tree.

--

By the time Sirius had returned to the castle, the Halloween feast was over and groups of people were talking about the great food and displays of entertainment, most of which seemed to have come from James. He walked past the lot of them sulkily and ignored the merry calls from fellow classmates in the Gryffindor common room. His main goal was to get up to the dormitory and see if Remus was there, and if he was, if he would like to talk.

However, the curtains around Remus' bed were closed and only James was present in the room. Judging by the sound of running water, Peter was taking a shower in the bathroom.

James sighed deeply as soon as he saw Sirius.

"I don't understand what's wrong," he confessed as he nodded towards the red-covered bed. "He seemed to be just fine earlier today, but then when he came to dinner he was all upset and frazzled. I thought some random explosions of color would bring him back to normal, but they didn't do anything. He didn't even scold me. He just frowned the entire time and ran off earlier to go to bed." Then James lowered his voice and his head heavily. "He's probably not asleep though."

In response, Sirius went over to his own bed, pulled off his costume, and exchanged it for a pair of pajamas.

"Ever since he came back to school, he's been weird. Always very secretive and quiet about himself. And then he started ignoring you and turning even quieter. Did you know that when I told him about our Animagus work, he blanched? When I asked him about it, he just smiled, hugged me, and said thanks. He sat there afterwards and listened to me talk, but he clearly wasn't paying attention at all. And then there was today." James sighed again and flopped back on his bed. "I don't get it. He used to tell me so much. Maybe he had a falling out with that boy of his." By now, James was just talking to himself and staring at the top of his canopy. "But he would have told me that, wouldn't he?"

Sirius tuned James out as he took out a quill and parchment and began writing. He was half-way done when Peter came out of the shower and James took a turn in the bathroom. Sirius finished his letter just as Peter bid him good night and the water turned off in the bathroom. Taking the chance, he changed quickly into Padfoot, took the note with his mouth, and crawled into Remus' bed.

It was as James had said, Remus had not been asleep. Remus had been, instead, staring at the top of his bed and muttering to himself. But he stopped as soon as he spotted Padfoot's nose through the curtains.

"Sirius, no," he whispered firmly as he drew out his wand and reapplied the silencing charms. "Go away." His words were filled with hurt, desperation, and distrust. "Please," he added on as an afterthought.

The dog ignored the words and dropped the letter into Remus' lap before curling up next to him and watching him carefully.

Hesitantly, Remus unrolled the parchment and began to read it, his eyes slowly scanning each line to make sure he didn't miss a word. Half of the letter was filled with "Sorry" and "I apologize" but the other half was asking for Remus to understand, begging him to let them stay the cautious friends that they had become, and pleading with Remus not to turn Padfoot away. Because, the letter reasoned, Padfoot cared and Remus trusted Padfoot and Padfoot would keep away any bad dreams that Remus had. But most of all, Padfoot missed him.

The letter fluttered from his hands when he finished and Remus' head began shaking back and forth though he smiled carefully.

"Sirius, I'm sorry for the way I reacted," he began, his hand reaching out to scratch the dog behind the ears. "And you have every right to like whoever you want to. I was just feeling betrayed, because you had no reason to like me. I never told you anything that made you want to like me. All the things I told, I told to a dog that I thought loved me because I was being nice to him. I told them to him because I didn't think he would be able to judge me from the things he heard and he wouldn't be able to hurt me with my own words."

Padfoot let out a breath of amusement from his nose. _Trust Remus to place the blame on himself yet make you feel guilty while doing so_, he thought as he nuzzled closer to Remus and took in the boy's scent relaxingly.

"But I can't let Padfoot stay here no matter how much good he means nor how much he misses me, because I don't want to let Padfoot know these things anymore." He paused and his voice lowered. "I want Sirius to know, if Sirius wants to like me. And I want to be able to trust Sirius and for Sirius to be able to trust me enough to tell me similar things so that I can try to like him back."

Sirius thought he felt his heart burst from joy and admiration of the other boy when he heard Remus say that. He readied his body to change back, but Remus, being a step ahead of him, added on, "But Sirius can't stay either," as he backed away from the dog and took his hands back.

"Well why not?" Sirius demanded as soon as he was human.

To his surprise Remus laughed and joked, "Because Sirius might try to rape me in my sleep."

--

A/N: I felt no need to go through the inner turmoil and angst of Sirius realizing he was gay/fancied Remus, so you may feel free to use your own imagination and figure that part out. Anyway, because I felt so bad about that last chapter/was extremely bored this fine thundering Saturday, I spat out another chapter. I wish I could draw...then I would show you what the four were like for Halloween, but seeing as how I can't, I hope you use your great imaginations and my limited descriptions to figure it out.


	7. 7

November passed with few events. It had not yet snowed, though the trees were now bare and the ground was littered with dying leaves that Hagrid had not yet raked into large piles, because first-years kept jumping into and messing up his previous piles. Lily had refused James' advances thirty-two times (twice he had forgotten that he had asked her already that day). Peter, who they now called Wormtail, was miraculously, passing Potions and Transfiguration, though he had yet to achieve his Animagus form. James was a little less worried about Remus' behavior…at least, he voiced it less often. Remus bestowed a nickname of Prongs upon James, after the stag wouldn't stop prodding him with them, and was in turn giving the nickname Moony, which no one would explain, obviously thinking that it was a, well, obvious nickname. And Sirius believed that his nickname, Padfoot, was the best, prompting the others to spend a good two weeks calling him Mr. Snuffles until Professor McGonagall asked them if Sirius was eternally sick, and if he weren't, would they kindly refrain from referring to him by such an atrocious name. When she walked away, Remus decided that it was only because she was reminded by her archenemy, the greyhound that Lucius once had that the four of them called Snuffles, that she asked them to stop.

"Remus?" Sirius asked softly, three hours before the end of November.

"Mm?" Remus wondered in return, refusing to lift his head from the cushion he had made with his arms and the armrest of the couch. "'S matter?"

The fact that even in his most tired and vulnerable states, Remus would think of someone else first, _Sirius_ first, made Sirius smile very gently.

"Nothing," he answered, finding himself oddly content with just watching Remus doze.

"M'kay." Remus shut his mouth and shifted slightly into a more comfortable position as Sirius sat down next to him. After a few moments, Sirius laid his hand on Remus' back and wondered, as he began to rub soothing circles, how much longer it would be before Remus would stop tensing up when he touched him. Because, even though Remus relaxed instantaneously, the initial tensing made Sirius worried that he was hurting Remus.

Remus sighed softly, letting go of the day's troubles and relishing in the warmth from Sirius' palm. Strangely enough, instead of causing Remus to fall into deep sleep, the relaxing activity made him more awake, and, after a couple minutes, his mind was alert even if his eyes were still shut.

"Sirius?" he asked after a bit. "Was there something you wanted?" Within the past month, they had gotten to slowly know each other better. Slowly, because there was scarcely a moment when they were alone, and, even when they were, they spoke cautiously of things that were certain not to offend or cause bad memories.

Sirius, suddenly flustered, pulled his hand back to himself as Remus turned to face him with both understanding and confusion in his eyes.

"Ah, well tomorrow's the Hogsmeade trip," he replied while calming himself down and draping his arms across the top and side of the couch.

"It is," Remus replied with a vague smile. "I may not be able to make it."

"Why not?"

"I may have promised Lily that I would help her with History of Magic in exchange for help with Potions," Remus said rather sheepishly, as if he had just been caught stealing from the cookie jar. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Sirius' eyes narrowed angrily as he looked away and let out a huffy breath. "It's alright. James is the one who's going to be upset, not me. Besides," he added, though it wasn't relevant to his previous sentence, "if you needed help in Potions, you could have just asked me."

"It's not like I _need_ the help," Remus said a little indignantly. "It's just that Lily needs it and didn't want to be 'pitied', so I proposed a trade of information." His face fell. "James will be mad, won't he?"

Sirius ignored the pang of jealousy, as he had for the past month whenever he saw, heard, or thought about James and Remus, and nodded. "He had planned for us to go shopping for candy, prank material, and presents."

"Presents?" Remus chuckled softly. "Isn't it a bit early for that?"

"Never too early for presents," he replied as he grinned, glad that they were no longer talking about James, even though he was the one who brought it up. While Remus had said that he was no longer interested in James, Sirius still held his doubts especially when the two were together and constantly touching. However, they were touching a lot less and their hugs no longer lasted as long as they used to. Sirius had not noticed this fact, though he would like to have. No, James had told him and Sirius had responded that it was time for James to let Remus grow up.

"Never too late for them either, right?" Remus asked as he stood up and extended a hand to Sirius.

Taking it, Sirius noticed that Remus never tensed when he knew that the two of them were going to touch. Only when Remus wasn't expecting or couldn't see a touch coming did he stiffen up. The only exception to that was James Potter. Then again, James was an exception to a lot of things in life.

--

Though Remus had denied Sirius the right to sleep in his bed, he had not been able to discourage Sirius from staying in it until the late hours of the night whenever he felt the urge to. Remus would never admit it, but he was thankful for Sirius being there at night. Sometimes, Sirius stayed up with him so late that he was too tired to dream when he fell asleep, but most nights Sirius stayed by Remus until he fell asleep and made sure that the golden-haired boy slept restfully before he left. It surprised both of them how much concern and care Sirius showed Remus, but neither one commented on it.

"Must you help Lily tomorrow?" Sirius wondered childishly as he settled down on top of the covers next to Remus.

Remus smiled patiently. "I did promise her, Sirius. It wouldn't be nice if I just told her there was a sudden change in plans, now would it? After all, you wouldn't like it if I had promised to spend time with you and then decided that I would rather spend it with Lily." To be honest, Remus also felt more attached to Lily because the redhead had always stood up for him since the moment they first met in the line to the Great Hall.

"I suppose not," Sirius grumbled in return as he brought a hand up and ran it through Remus' hair. Sometimes, Sirius wondered if Remus didn't like it when he did that, but never protested it because it wasn't in his nature to do so. It seemed to be a Remus-like thing to do. "Do you mind?" he asked, his voice significantly softer than before.

"It's fine," Remus replied, not leaning into the touch nor moving away from it.

"Tell me more about your mother," Sirius demanded gently after awhile. He liked to hear about Remus' mum because she was so different from his own. Remus' mother was a sweet, kind, plain woman who only worked a part-time job so she could take care of Remus. She was always there to accept him for everything, his lycanthropy, his wizarding ways, even his affinity for males. Sirius knew that his own mother would disown him in a minute if he were ever to admit he liked men.

Remus searched his mind for a story he had yet to tell Sirius. "Oh," he said softly as he found one, "there was this time, when we were visiting a magical aunt, that she decided to try some gardening. It was her first time in a wizarding garden, so she wasn't at all prepared. I'm not really sure what happened, but it turns out she pulled up some garden gnomes by accident and then undug some baby mandrakes. She got knocked out for a couple hours and nobody could help her because no one home. My father and I had gone to the park and my aunt decided to go shopping for a bit. Well, when we came home, I started screaming because there was this terrible noise. It was coming from the baby mandrakes that were still unrooted. Then my father found my mom and he started screaming. He was never really good in Herbology, so he didn't know she was only unconscious. My aunt came home and found the three of us in the garden wailing; well two of us were wailing, and one of us was unconscious. She started laughing. My father couldn't see what was so funny until she told him about the mandrakes and what they could do. After a couple minutes, my mom finally woke up and we told her what had happened. Needless to say, she never went near a magical garden after that and my aunt never let her touch anything without supervision."

It hadn't been the best story Remus could think of, but it made Sirius laugh all the same and Remus found that he enjoyed Sirius' barking laughter because it was filled with nothing but happiness. A raw sort of happiness that wasn't and would hopefully never be blocked or refined by anything else.

--

Sirius had decided against going to Hogsmeade in favor of staying with Remus and Lily during their study session. Unfortunately, James was fervently against this idea, claiming that it was no fair that he had to lose one of his friends to the woman of his dreams and that he'd be damned if he lost another too, and Lily, for once, agreed that Sirius was not to stay with them, but for different reasons. (As she had so nicely put it, "I refuse to let that stuck-up bastard ruin a perfectly good day of studying for our O.W.L.s just because he wants to spend time with Remus. James can take him and the two of them can be as insufferable as they want without us.") But thing that made him leave was Remus asking him to please get some chocolate and a couple butterbeers to make up for him having to stay with Lily. Of course, he had said this when Lily wasn't listening and with a broad yet apologetic smile.

So Sirius had unwilling gone to Hogsmeade and had fun. At around five in the afternoon, six hours after they had left for Hogsmeade, Sirius decided it was time to head back to the castle. Unlike his previous decision, Sirius was determined to follow this one through and, so, completely ignored James' pleas to stay for just a little bit longer.

In a slightly better mood than he had been when he had woken up, Sirius carried his package of chocolate and butterbeers carefully in his arms as he made his way up to the Gryffindor common room. As he gave the password to the Fat Lady, he prepared himself to wrestle Remus away from a very avidly studying Lily, but was pleasantly surprised when he found that the common room was completely empty aside from Remus, who was curled up in front of the roaring fire and reading a book. At least, Sirius thought as he snuck closer and swallowed a laugh, Remus was pretending to be reading. While the book was propped up against his knees and his fingers were loosely grasping the sides of the book, Remus, himself, was fast asleep with his lips slightly parted and his face completely relaxed.

Sirius set down his bag and settled down next to Remus. He didn't blame the other boy for falling asleep. After Remus' story last night, Sirius had taken his turn to explain his feelings towards his family and it had taken a very long time to sort out. He had tried approaching his feelings before, but they had always ended up making him unspeakably angry. However, with Remus there to offer suggestions, or explanations, or just to listen, Sirius found it much easier to talk through all his problems with his family. The only downside was that it kept them up until sunrise and they had decided it was easier to simply stay awake than try to get a few minutes of sleep.

After watching Remus sleep with the awe that Sirius always had whenever he watched Remus doze away, Sirius slid an arm around the other boy's waist and settled his head on Remus' shoulder. His eyes, as tired as they were, closed half-way, allowing him to see the steady rise and fall of Remus' chest. His ear was pressed close enough that he could hear the constant and slow beating of Remus' heart. Sirius tried to pace his breathing with Remus', hoping that this would somehow also enable him to keep the same heartbeat, but he had ran all the way from Hogsmeade and, though he had had time to settle down, his heart was still beating quickly.

Giving up that endeavor, he gently allowed his eyes to rest and focused solely on Remus' heart beat. He counted each one, being very careful not to lose count, and was about to drift off when he noticed one beat missing. Several weeks ago, he would have freaked out and shaken Remus awake to solve the problem, but now…He sighed. Now, he accepted it as part of the ordinary. It made him sad to know that Remus' heart was incomplete like that.

He was counting once more and Remus' heart skipped thrice more. Each time it did, Remus seemed to freeze in his breathing, but didn't wake. Then Sirius fell asleep at five hundred and thirty-four.

--

"Sirius." Slender hands ran through his hair, pushing back the curtain it had formed. "Sirius, wake up," a gentle voice murmured. "If you don't, I'm going to have to carry you up the stairs and ruin your image of perfection," it threatened, though, Sirius thought, that wasn't much of a threat at all. Sirius would simply keep his image of perfection as beautiful and even more so while he was asleep. "Sirius," the voice crooned again and suddenly there were other voices coming into hearing. "I'm warning you." There was a smile edging the voice and Sirius smiled back. Then his smile fell when his pillow shifted.

"Fuck!" he yelled when he found himself suddenly lifted off of the comfortable couch. His silver eyes flew open and instantly found gold ones that were laughing gleefully.

"I did warn you," Remus replied fairly as he readjusted a slipping Sirius. "Hold on, will you? You're a bit heavy, even for me."

"Oy!" Sirius protested as he wrapped his arms around Remus' neck. "Are you saying I'm fat?" he yelled and the few students who were still immersed in their own business, looked up at the two of them.

"Of course not," Remus answered as if the thought of it were sinful. "I'm just saying you could afford to lose a bit of weight if you expect me to carry you around more often."

Sirius, pretending to be annoyed, started flailing his legs about until Remus let him drop down onto the couch. "You, mister Moony, do not deserve to carry me around if you insist on making fun of my weight." Then he stood up as Remus crossed his arms with an amused look on his face. "Just because you're jealous of my immaculate beauty, doesn't mean you need to make fun of it." He grinned as he watched Remus look away in an attempt not to laugh. "Besides," he edged closer to the other boy, who took a small step back precariously, "if anyone's going to be carrying anyone, it's going to be me carrying you."

"And why is that?" Remus questioned as he continued to walk backwards, away from the advancing Sirius.

"Obviously because you're skinny like a girl and I can carry you a lot easier than you can carry me." Then he lunged forwards, but Remus, who had predicted something like that, ran away. Sirius, not one to give up so easily, dashed after him only to run back and pick up his package for Remus before chasing after the tawny-haired boy again.

--

"Remus," he whispered even though he had been speaking at full volume a couple seconds ago.

"Sirius," Remus replied in a voice just as quiet before he placed his lips to the rim of the last bottle of butterbeer that they were sharing.

"Will you tell me what happened to you?" Sirius asked again. This was a topic Remus never brought up on his own, and every time before that Sirius had asked, Remus had promised him the story another day. So Sirius had patiently waited, asking once every three days for the story and not knowing when he would ever get his answer.

Remus stared at him unblinkingly for a minute before his eyes trailed down Sirius' open shirt to find the dangling sun that Sirius usually kept hidden. "Yes," he replied softly. His eyes lingered on the glimmering necklace, before they skimmed back up to Sirius' eyes. "What do you want to know?"

"What happened during the summer that changed you so much?" he specified as he clasped a hand around Remus' quivering one to steady Remus as well as to take the bottle away from him.

"Should you like the short version, or should I give you a play by play of my summer?" Remus asked half-jokingly. Sirius could tell that as much as Remus would rather tell Sirius the short version, the longer one would help Remus in the long run.

"Give me the play-by play," he demanded as he tried to match the spot Remus' lips had been before.

Remus sighed and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. He let his head fall back against the wood and his eyes closed as he brought back memories he tried hard not to remember.

"It's long," he warned and Sirius nodded, his eyes watching the bobbing of Remus' Adam's apple. "Summer started off as normal. My father was more tense than usual, but I didn't think anything of it. He was usually really high-strung and paranoid. But my mum had convinced him to take a little vacation at the beginning of July. He gave in. He usually gave in to my mum. So we went to Germany." Remus paused, unsure of what to say next. He swallowed before continuing hesitantly. "Turns out that was a bad idea. Mum and I didn't know why, but, Father told me later, it seems as if Greyback saw us there and, after finishing his mission, followed us back home.

"We hadn't noticed. We all went out one day at in the middle of July to go shopping for food at the Muggle grocery store, but Greyback just popped out of a bush and killed Mum. He didn't use a wand or anything. He just launched onto her and ripped out her throat with his hands." Remus shuddered at the memory and Sirius shifted closer, discarding the empty bottle next to all the others. "Father had left his wand at home, because he didn't think he'd be needing it, and I hadn't brought mine because, well, because I was underage. So, we couldn't do anything against Greyback. I mean, Father tried to by himself, but Greyback just threw him off and ran away cackling." It was a bit funny that while Remus was relaying something so terrible, he still kept his lyrical tone.

"She was dead the moment he touched her. A couple muggles saw it happening, but they couldn't do anything about it. They called for the muggle police and ambulance and all that, but it was too late. It was all too late." He shook his head against the wood and his eyes scrunched up, willing themselves not to leak.

"We had a funeral for her a couple days later. It was the day before the full moon then. Ryan and I had decided to go take a walk near the river, but Greyback showed up again. I wanted to attack him, but I knew that I didn't have a chance and Ryan was keeping me from doing it. He…Greyback said some terrible things about my mum and my father. Then," Sirius took one of Remus' hands in his own, "then he suggested that there were relationships going on between me and him. But before Ryan could ask, before I could protest, he said he would see me in a couple days and to wait for then."

He took in a large breath and let it out in shudders. "He-he meant he would see me on the full moon. We-I usually stayed in our backyard. It leads into a wooded area that no one else is supposed to go to and people keep away from there. So, it's usually safe, except-" Sirius knew what the "except" was and he tightened his hold, "except he was there waiting. Usually, werewolves don't fight each other, but we must have known the other. _He_ must have known. It was the smell." Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus and pulled him close. "He smelled like rotting meat and molding bread. But then he attacked. Or maybe I attacked. But we started fighting. I could tell he wasn't putting his whole into it. It was like he was playing with me. Then at the end," Remus lifted his empty hand and drew a small slash over his heart. "At the end he stabbed me with his claws. He scrapped against my heart. A bit on the side came off. It's a werewolf injury, so they couldn't heal it completely. He stayed there until we both changed back and he told me," Remus took another shuddering breath and he gripped Sirius' hand intensely, "told me that he'd let me live. He'd let me live as a constant reminder to my father. Let me live so I'd know what hell is like. Then, when I was tired of living in hell, he'd come back. He'd come back and kill me, but," his bottom lip disappeared behind white teeth for a moment and when it reappeared it was bleeding, "but only after I begged him to."

Sirius held onto Remus protectively. He would never let anyone come kill Remus and he would kill anyone that made Remus beg to die, because, even if Remus looked like he belonged in another world, Sirius needed to be in the same world as Remus.

"As soon as I was well enough to stand, Greyback told Ryan." Here, the tears dripped out slowly one by one through Remus' relaxed eyes. There was no longer defiance, fear, or guilt in his face. There was now only defeat. "Told him that I was a werewolf, that he, Greyback, was my partner, that everything I had ever told him was a lie. Ryan believed him. He probably believed him out of fear more than anything else, but he believed all the same. He yelled at me and," Remus paused, his breathing quickened, "and he left." Clearly, he had done more than just leave, but if Remus wasn't ready to tell him yet, then Sirius wouldn't make him.

Sirius waited to see if Remus would say anymore, but Remus only leaned against him, letting the tears roll down slowly.

"Can I see?" he murmured softly into the brown hair. "See where he hurt you?"

Remus breathed softly against Sirius for several minutes until he thought that perhaps Remus had not heard him. But then Remus shook his head and began pulling himself away.

"Not tonight, Sirius." His voice was weak, and Sirius couldn't help but blame himself for making it so. "I'm sorry."

Sirius accepted silently that Remus wouldn't let him see, but he kept his arm around Remus and pulled him back. "Don't apologize for something that you don't need to," he whispered. Then, taking advantage of Remus' situation, he placed his lips against the others gently. "Don't think about it," Sirius muttered as he took the hand that wasn't tangled with Remus' and placed it on top of the soft head. He pressed the head close against his body and said something he didn't think he would ever be ridiculous enough to say. "Listen to my heart. It's strong enough for the both of us, so if you ever think yours can't go on, take part of mine."

--

A/N: And there is the great and terrible story of Remus' mysterious summer. Now if only we could learn more about Sirius... Anyway, there's a reason why this one did not come as quickly as the others and that is becuase I have been busy creating a great idea that is here: avahin. deviantart. com/ journal/ 20156203/ If the link doesn't work, then there should be one in my profile that does. (Or try it without the spaces) That's it.


	8. 8

The next day, Sirius found his body aching from having fallen asleep in a half-sitting position. His back was begging to be stretched and his limbs were just waiting to be relieved of their burden. He had been about to drop the body in his arms to stretch them out when he realized that the body was none other than Remus Lupin. Remus was curled up against him, his head resting soundly on Sirius' chest, still placed where Sirius had put it the night before. One hand was curled tightly into a fist around Sirius' shirt and the other was loosely wrapped around Sirius. The body shifted slightly and pushed closer against Sirius. A slight moan escaped Remus' lips as the head nuzzled closer to Sirius. And, suddenly, all of Sirius' pains were forgotten and had melted away into a tender smile.

"Remus," he whispered softly just for the sake of hearing the other boy's name. It was then, when he reached down to pull the covers over their freezing bodies, that Sirius realized he didn't just _like_ Remus. He was in love with the boy. "Fuck," he muttered as he ran his hands through Remus' soft brown hair. "That's not right," he continued, though his voice was still quiet and didn't hold an ounce of anger. "No one falls in love that quickly." But it wasn't exactly quick, was it? After all, Sirius had known Remus for nearly five and a half years now. That was plenty of time to fall in love. Merlin knows that James managed it within two years, so it wasn't all that wrong was it? "Remus," he whispered again and this time the other boy leaned towards his touch.

Sirius was going to continue saying Remus' name over and over again until he finally woke up, but the curtains opened up suddenly to reveal James looking frantic and mischievous at the same time with his mouth open wide ready to scream "Moony!"

"Sirius!" it yelled instead and Sirius quickly hissed a "Shut up!" in return. Very reluctantly, Sirius pulled himself away from Remus. Glaring angrily at James, he settled Remus gently down in bed and waited until the other boy sighed contently before facing James again.

"What?" he asked irritatingly at the standing and stunned James Potter.

"I could ask you the same," James replied. "What's going on here? Are you and Remus – But Remus is still with – And I thought – You aren't gay – But Remus – I should have-"

"Shut up," Sirius said again, but this time with amusement in his voice. "Remus and I aren't anything but friends," he reassured, refusing to answer any of the other broken questions James had babbled.

"But why were you two in bed together?"

"Talking." Sirius got out of the bed and snapped the curtains shut. "Leave him alone, Prongs. He's tired and hasn't gotten much sleep lately."

James' confused face quickly disappeared into a cocky grin as he followed Sirius around the room, occasionally elbowing him. "Really? Is that because you've been in his bed an awful lot lately?" Sirius growled in response, but that didn't dissuade James. "Eh, eh, eh? Is that why your curtains are always closed now? Because you're hiding in bed with Remus and you don't want any of us to know?" James loomed over the other boy as he bent down and retrieved clothes from his trunk. "Or does Moony sleep in your bed sometimes too? I bet that's why he's been practicing those silencing charms." James wriggled his eyebrows up and down and Sirius responded with a scowl.

But he was saved from having to tell James off, because Remus decided to fall out of bed, quite literally, and mumbled softly, "I always stay in my own bed."

"Oh ho ho!" James cackled as he leapt over to Remus just as Sirius rushed to the boy's side. "So then you admit that there's something going on between you and Padfoot."

"You can hold nothing against me if I don't speak," he muttered into the ground. Sirius decided that Remus must have been too tired to notice the pain from falling out of bed, or the pain from falling out of bed made him delirious, because the Remus Lupin he knew didn't act like this. However, James didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, and Sirius came to the conclusion that he didn't actually know Remus at all.

"Silence construes consent," James retorted, proving Remus wrong.

The other boy merely rolled over onto his back and groaned. It seemed as if the pain was getting to him. "Merlin, some friends you are," he moaned as he stretched out his limbs. "I fall out of bed and neither of you comes to see if I'm okay?" Remus teased and blinked a few times before his eyes opened fully.

Sirius shoved James aside and bent down to pull Remus into his arms, gently cradling his head as he did so. "Sorry, Remus. Prongs was being a prat and when he's a prat he can't possibly think about others first," Sirius replied as he turned to glare at James again over the top of Remus' head. He felt, rather than heard, Remus' soft laughter before the boy pushed away from Sirius and got up on his own.

"Morning Peter," he greeted as he waved at the mousey boy who had just peeked out from his curtains to see what the commotion was about. Then Remus grabbed his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom that Sirius had been preparing to use before Remus had woken up.

"Damn," Sirius swore as he tossed his things onto his bed. "I had wanted a shower."

"A shower?" James' eyebrows shot up at once as he plopped himself onto the bed. "To clean yourself after a night with Remus, eh?"

There was a squeak and a thump from the other side of the room and James took that as a sign that Peter wanted to know exactly what was happening.

"Haven't you heard, Wormtail? Sirius and Remus are having a little fling behind our backs!" The other boy squeaked again. "Perhaps we should have one too," James stroked his beardless chin thoughtfully until Sirius smacked him on the head.

"Shut up, James. You're giving homophobic Wormtail here a fright," Sirius growled, more threateningly than he should have. Though it wasn't true that Peter was homophobic, the chubby boy always seemed to have an aversion towards any "abnormal" relationships between two people of the same gender. Sirius also didn't think Peter knew about Remus' preferences and he'd be damned if James gave them away like that.

"Oh, sod off, Pads. Peter's not homophobic and he knows I was just kidding about everything, don't you, Peter?"

"O-of course," he piped in on command, though his pale face still seemed to need a bit of convincing.

"Whatever," Sirius grumbled as he quickly changed into clean robes. "I'm going to breakfast." And he left the room without waiting for a response.

--

Remus sat down next to him not long after and piled several pancakes onto his plate. Silently, he poured syrup over them and began cutting them up. Then he stabbed several pieces with his fork and shoved them into his mouth hungrily. He repeated this process again until all his pancakes were gone. When he finished, he turned to look at Sirius and said in a very solemn voice, "I think we should talk about last night."

Sirius choked a little on the pumpkin juice he was drinking. He had been expecting Remus to bring the subject up sooner or later, but he didn't think Remus would talk about it in the Great Hall on a Sunday morning, even though it was mostly empty.

"What about last night?" he asked in return.

"It's just," Remus stopped and bit his lower lip nervously. Then his shoulders lifted upwards and fell back down almost pointlessly. "I think," his voice grew soft and hesitant. "I think I like you."

Sirius waited a moment to hear if there was anymore, and, when he realized there was no more, his brain began processing what Remus said. When it finally did, half a minute later, Sirius' face split into an open and ecstatic smile as he lunged forwards and drew Remus into a tight hug.

"S-Sirius, wait," Remus muttered into Sirius' chest. "We should talk this through a bit more, don't you think? I mean-"

"What's there to talk about?" Sirius whispered back, not letting go of Remus despite the fact that nearly everyone in the Great Hall was staring at them. "You like me and I love you. That's all there is to it."

"There's plenty more to-wait," Remus pushed himself away from Sirius far enough so that he could look into the shining grey eyes clearly. "You _love_ me?" His face twisted into confusion that others would mistake for disgust, but Sirius knew better than that. "Sirius, that's not possible," he said softly.

"It is possible," Sirius insisted, tired of always having to convince Remus of the way he felt. "I wouldn't tell you I loved you if I didn't believe you could love me back. Maybe not now, maybe not in a couple days, but one day you will."

Remus stared at Sirius, his eyes unreadable, for a few minutes before his lips parted and he began laughing.

"What?" Sirius asked hotly, suddenly feeling embarrassed and insulted. "What in Merlin's name is so fucking hilarious?"

Remus sighed and bit down on his bottom lip until he was calm enough to answer, "You sound ridiculous." Then he started laughing all over again until Sirius pushed him down and stood up in mock anger.

"I don't take kindly to you making fun of my declarations of love like that, Mister Moony," Sirius frowned and crossed his arms as Remus tried to stop laughing. "I see how it is then. I'm afraid it's over between us, Remus Lupin. Over." He turned and began walking away.

But Remus managed to control himself long enough to call out, "Wait!" Quickly, he scrambled off the bench and reached out for Sirius. "I'm sorry to have made fun of the great Sirius Black, though I did not mean to make fun of him. I hope that he will forgive me, because I meant no offense in my laughter." Remus' eyes shined with mirth as he continued, "I merely thought it was funny how endearing Mister Padfoot's words were."

Sirius pouted huffily as he took hold of Remus' hands. "As long as he doesn't laugh anymore at me, I suppose I can forgive Mister Moony." Then his face broke out into a grin as he threw an arm over Remus' shoulder while keeping hold of his other hand. "Let's go waste away our lovely Sunday, yeah?"

"I certainly hope that by waste away you mean study for our O.W.L.s, because, from what I hear from James, you haven't been studying at all," Remus chided in return as he leaned in towards Sirius and the two of them walked out of the Great Hall.

As soon as they were out of sight, the fifty or so occupants still in the dining area burst into conversation about the scene they just viewed.

--

"You reckon," Remus whispered into Sirius' ear a week later, "that we shouldn't have had that conversation in the Great Hall?"

By now, there was not a soul in Hogwarts that didn't know about Remus and Sirius. At first, the general population had thought it was another joke or just a theatrical performance, but some, mostly the girls, insisted that there was more than that. That Sirius wouldn't have held Remus like that or spoke to him so softly if they weren't actually going out. Still, for all their gossiping, only a couple people asked whether or not the rumor was true and to them, they gave no direct response, only little hints. Only James, Peter, and Lily knew the truth.

Sirius shrugged and wrapped his arm around Remus protectively. "You're the one who wanted to talk about it there."

"Yes and I only wanted to talk. I never asked for you declare your love or do any of that other crazy stuff you did. It's almost as if you were purposely giving a show," Remus shot back, though he didn't move away from Sirius.

"You joined in, didn't you?" Sirius teased, ignoring the glances from all the other students as they made their way to Transfiguration slowly behind James and Peter.

"I would have lost you if I didn't, now wouldn't I?" Remus joked in return, but his voice was soft and Sirius knew that he was still afraid that he would lose Sirius. He knew that mostly because Remus had just told him last night. And, truth be told, he was just as frightened that Remus would suddenly change his mind.

"Will you lovebirds hurry the hell up?" James hissed over his shoulder. "I swear, if I had known the two of you would be so," James frowned and narrowed his eyes, searching for the right word, "so…so…"

"Wonderfully in love?" Lily suggested as she passed the four of them quickly.

"Only if we are too," James replied eagerly as he quickened his pace.

"Sod off, Potter," she growled back before she shoved James to the side and disappeared into the Transfiguration room.

James began groaning but Peter quickly comforted, "At least she didn't hex you this time."

"That's really only because James didn't suggest they go out," Remus pointed out as he pulled away from Sirius, but made up for that by linking hands with him instead. "But that was a good effort, James." Remus beamed and patted him on the shoulder. "Really good effort," he repeated rather sarcastically and James responded with a glare.

Sirius smiled and took the hand that was still on James' shoulder in his own. He would never admit it, but even now, even after Remus admitted that he liked Sirius, Sirius still felt jealous of James and unconsciously always found signs that may have suggested Remus still held strong feelings for the other boy.

"Too bad, Prongs. I don't think you and Evans will ever be as 'wonderfully in love' as Remus and I are." His smile widened as Remus returned his grip and James scowled at both of them.

"Prats. You'll see. One day Evans and I will get married and have children and then we'll see who's smirking," he threatened with a hiding grin as he led the other three into the Transfiguration room. "We'll see."

--

"Are you staying for Christmas?" Remus asked a couple days before the beginning of break. His voice was soft and quiet because he was tired, though he was awake enough to talk to Sirius.

"I don't know," Sirius replied honestly as he looked down into the rich golden eyes starting up at him. They were curled together in front of the fire at two in the morning for the sole reason of being able to enjoy the roaring fireplace and comfortable red couches together.

"Oh, okay." Remus smiled a fake smile and Sirius frowned in return.

"Stop that," he demanded and Remus' smile fell as he looked away guiltily. "Why did you ask?" he questioned in a softer tone before placing a kiss onto the soft hair.

"No reason," Remus sighed and Sirius waited silently until Remus sighed again and answered truthfully, "It's just that the full moon is on Christmas and I don't know if I want to go home."

"Why wouldn't you?" As far as Sirius knew, Remus always went home for the holidays and was always very excited to do so.

"Because it's just going to be me and my father," he responded, trying to hide his fatigue and sadness. "I don't know if I'm ready to go home yet. He's probably not going to be home very often anyway and…" He trailed off as his fingers searched for Sirius'. Then he looked up at Sirius and smiled softly. "But I might as well go home if no one else is going to be here." _Because_, Sirius finished the thought for Remus, _at least he won't be as lonely at home._

"Why don't you come with me?" Sirius said without thinking.

Remus laughed and shook his head. "Thank you for the offer, Sirius, but your parents wouldn't appreciate my presence." He leaned up and kissed Sirius on the lips as an extra token of gratitude.

"I'll see if I can stay then," Sirius murmured against the gentle lips before he pressed against them firmly and promisingly.

--

"It would be nice," James decided as he shook Sirius awake the next morning, being too kind to bother Remus, "if for once, I could find you two in your own proper beds in the morning. I have to say, as much fun as this scavenger hunt is, it's starting to get on my nerves." Sirius groaned, barely comprehending the words, and James slapped him lightly on the face. "I mean, it was great fun at first to laugh at the two of you when you guys ended up in the same bed or each other's beds, but now, it's tiresome. And, waking up in a dormitory with just Peter isn't very exciting. For one, Peter usually isn't awake when I get up and it's a pain in the bloody ass to wake him up. And another, Remus isn't the handy dandy alarm clock he used to be. It's great that he's getting the proper amount of rest now, but I don't like having to wake up really early in order to find the two of you and wake Peter. One more thing-"

"How many more bloody things are there, Prongs?" Remus grumbled as he lifted himself off of Sirius and rubbed his eyes awake. The sight was very cute, in Sirius' opinion. Remus, wearing Sirius' slightly larger pajamas, had his hands curled into fists and his mouth open wide in a yawn. His hair was ruffled from sleep and the sunlight bounced off of it in such a way that his entire head seemed to be radiating a golden light. His feet were curled up beside him, and Sirius wondered if Remus looked like this when he woke up as a child.

"At least fifty, Moony," James replied as he stuck out his tongue childishly. "Now get up and get changed. I have great plans for today that involve Evans and Snivellous and the four of us."

Sirius lit up at the thought of plans for Severus as Remus frowned adorably.

"What sorts of plans?" Remus asked as he let himself get pulled up by James.

"Great great plans!" he answered as he dragged Remus and Sirius up the stairs.

Lily, who had just come down, smiled at the three of them while looked like seven-year-olds getting ready for an exciting day. Then she frowned, because they probably _were_ preparing an "exciting" day and that was bound to be a bad thing.

--

"So, Mum said I could stay for the holidays," James excitedly told Remus as he shoved waffles down his throat, pausing only to breathe and talk. "I told her you weren't feeling well 

and all, and, you know how much she loves you, so she said it was fine if I stayed. She also said that if you wanted to come over for the break that'd be fine too, but I told her that wasn't a grand idea. So she said that you could come over during the summer instead."

"My mum also said I could stay," Peter chimed in, not wanting to be left out. "And," the chubby boy grinned, "I've got it down, so I can come with you guys!"

Remus beamed back at both of them with his eyes glittering from holding back tears of happiness. "Thank you," he whispered across the table and, though the other two couldn't hear him over the ruckus of the breakfast crowd, they knew what he meant.

Sirius took Remus' hand in his own, more to comfort himself than to support Remus. He desperately wanted to stay for the holidays, more so now that James and Peter were also staying, but he wasn't sure if his parents would be okay with the idea. Remus turned his face to Sirius and it softened with understanding.

"Don't worry about it, Sirius. I'll be fine with them as long as you get me an amazing present," he joked before he turned his attention back to his breakfast.

"On a different note," James continued as if he had been talking the entire time, which, according to his mind, he probably was, "I thought that since it's almost the end of the quarter and we haven't done anything dastardly or traumatizing, we could today."

Sirius and Peter grinned instantly as Remus rolled his eyes and sighed. "What are you planning, James?"

"Nothing that will get our little prefect in trouble," he reassured, leaning over to pat Remus' hand. "Just something fun. Such as lighting firecrackers simultaneously all over the school. All we'll need from you, Moony, is your wonderful charm and brilliant brains."

Remus raised an eyebrow in question, but his lips betrayed him in a smile. "Well, when you put it that way, Prongs, how can I possibly refuse?"

"Brilliant!" James stood up suddenly and then pulled Peter, who had been buttering his toast, up with him. "We have plenty to do before Divination, then. So lets get moving, boys."

--

They had managed to finish placing all their firecrackers across the school by the end of lunch time and decided that the opportune moment to set them off would be during Potions. Peter, Remus, and Sirius thought it was better not to ask James where he got all of them and where he had been hiding them. James wouldn't have given them a straight answer anyway. Yet, Remus felt like he was missing out on something, especially since the other three hadn't stopped snickering since they entered the Potions room.

Half-way through Professor Slughorn's lecture, Remus waved his wand under his desk and muttered a few words. Seconds later, there was a huge explosion and bright sparkles flew out from seemingly nowhere. There were shapes of all kinds, dragons, butterflies, faries, pixies, unicorns, centaurs, and more. There were also words, some of them flashing, "Happy Christmas" or singing Christmas carols, but what really got everyone excited was when one of the firecrackers exploded in green lettering that said, "Snivellous is a giant git with greasy hair, so for Christmas, Misters Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail would like to present him with some soap and shampoo. Unfortunately, we don't believe there is enough soap or shampoo in the world to help him."

"I wish you had told me that they held secret messages _before_ I agreed to help you," Remus mumbled, shaking his head.

"You wouldn't have helped if we did, Remus," Sirius replied as he took advantage of the distraction and kissed the other's forehead. "Besides, isn't it worth it to see James green and purple?" he pointed out as the other boy walked towards them with a dazed face.

"I suppose, but if he had phrased it better than 'James Potter will be free on Christmas day should Lily Evans feel lonely' in purple, she might have said yes."

"Why?" James asked as he plopped back down next to Sirius. "I thought she liked the color purple."

"She hates it," Remus replied as he wrapped an arm around Sirius and leaned into the other boy. "She likes blue and red, but not purple. Something about the mixing of two sacred colors being an abomination, just like you."

"Hey! I'm not an abomination!" James protested.

Remus shrugged as he grinned. "I'm only quoting Lily indirectly."

"My dearest Lily would never say something as crude as that," James retaliated before Professor Slughorn reappeared in the room with Professor McGonagall following closely behind.

"Potter! Black! My office! NOW!" she snarled as soon as she spotted the two of them. "Lupin and Pettigrew," she continued in a slightly softer voice. "Come along as well please."

"How come we don't get a please?" James whined as he got off his seat and walked down to Professor McGonagall who seemed slightly less upset than she did when she first walked in.

"Because I have no doubt that you and Black are the cause of all this chaos whereas I believe that Lupin and Pettigrew were roped into your plans as usual," she replied as she began leading them out of the dungeons that were filled with curious students and still firing firecrackers.

"You believe that Sirius and I are smart enough to make them all explode at the same time?" James asked incredibly before he turned around to Sirius. "Professor McGonagall thinks we're brilliant!"

Sirius unwound himself from Remus and ran up next to James. "Thank you, Professor McGonagall for believing in us!" he said as he held up a hand to James who high-fived it instantly. "Maybe if she continues to think we're brilliant, we really will become ingenious and won't have to rely on Remus anymore."

"Lupin?" She stopped and turned around to face the boy who suddenly wore an expression of innocence and confusion.

"Professor?"

She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes as if that would help her solve the problem, but Remus only stared back with his golden eyes open widely and blinking every so often. Then she shook her head and smiled. "Nothing. Would you like some biscuits?" she asked in an almost motherly fashion as they reached her office.

"Of course," he smiled brightly at her. "Thank you, Professor." Then he stuck his tongue out at Sirius and James who were scowling at him as she turned to open up her office.

"Well then, come in boys," she said as she waved them in. Then she whispered in a harsh tone to James and Sirius, who trailed in behind Remus and Peter, "Don't think I haven't forgotten about punishment."

--

A/N: Yes. There is no point to this chapter other than to pass the time and to say, "Hey look! They've finally gotten together!"


	9. 9

"I cannot believe," James exclaimed as he crawled through the portrait hole at eleven fifty nine Friday night, "that McGonagall gave us detention for the _last_ day before break. The _last_ day!" he emphasized as he waved his arms wildly. He looked more ruffled than usual with his glasses barely on his face and his hair sticking out at all angles. "And with Slughorn cleaning out potions too!" He groaned as he flopped down on the couch next to Remus, who had looked up from the book he had been reading to listen to James' complaints.

"At least she didn't give it to you over break," Remus replied with a shrug as he looked over at the closed entrance.

"Minimal comfort, Moony. Very minimal," he sighed in return before he, too, glanced at the entrance. "Oh, Padfoot and I didn't have detention together, if that's who you're waiting for."

Remus grinned sheepishly and shook his head unconvincingly. "Why were you separated?" he asked as he quickly averted his eyes back to his book.

"Professor McGonagall complained that we're too rowdy when we're put together, so she decided that it would be better to separate us," James answered casually as he propped his feet up on the coffee table in front of them. "He's organizing files or something of the like." James' hand twirled in the air before he heaved a sigh and rested his head on Remus' shoulder. "I missed saying good-bye to Evans, you know? I saw her as I was going to detention and I tried to stop and say good-bye, but McGonagall insisted that I would have time later. But now it's too late," he moaned, sounding a bit like Moaning Myrtle at the moment. Peter, who had been sitting in a sofa next to them contemplating the chess game that he and James had started a couple hours before, told James this and was responded with a high-pitched wail.

"You know," Remus shouted over the wail. As soon as James stopped to listen, he continued in his normal softer voice, "you could just wake up early tomorrow and tell her then."

"But what if I don't wake up in time?" James whined before a broad hand grasped his hair and yanked his head away from Remus.

"Why don't you sleep down here tonight with a sign that says 'Evans, light of my life, fire of my loins, my sin, my soul, Evans. Good bye'?" Sirius growled from behind the couch, a murderous glare in his eyes.

Remus grinned as he leaned up and planted a kiss on Sirius' cheek. "Out of all the things I say to you, that's what you remember?" he asked softly into the other's ear.

Sirius pouted and lowered himself to his knees so Remus could comb through his hair. "I remember plenty of things you tell me. For example, last night you said that if you were a girl, you would, I quote, 'totally' have my babies." His voice had lightened significantly and a short laugh escaped his lips as Remus flushed and glanced away embarrassingly.

"Why on earth would you ever say _that_, Moony?" James cried as he clutched his head. "Why would you plague us with the thought of mini-Sirius' running amok and destroying all that we live for? And why the blazes did you have to pull so hard, Padfoot? I'm going to go bald because of you."

Remus shook his head in response to James' questions as Sirius stood up and launched himself over the back of the couch. After landing next to Remus, he replied half-jokingly, "You were too close to my Remus."

James, immediately forgetting his aching scalp, sat up straight and leered over Sirius. "Oh, yours now is he?" His eyebrows waggled up and down suggestively. "Did you take him last night? Don't lie to me," he said immediately as Remus opened his mouth to protest, "I saw the two of you get out of the same bed last night. Out of Sirius' bed, to be precise."

"I'm surprised you didn't hear us," Sirius replied as he leaned back against Remus. "Remus had been so loud shouting my name over and over again as I thrust into him. We must have done it at least five times last night."

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed as Peter muffled a squeak.

"Oh, come now, Moony. Don't you think our roommates deserve to know what we've been up to?" he asked in a light tone as he reached over and grasped Remus' hand.

"Let me guess that it was sometime there that Remus declared that he'd like to have your babies," James said, determined not to let the other two drift off into their own world so soon.

"He practically screamed it," Sirius lied smugly and both Remus and Peter reddened, though for completely different reasons.

"He must have put up a silencing charm then, because I slept quite well without interruptions. Although, I had been dreaming about Lily, so that might have been why I didn't hear. Did you, Wormtail?" James asked.

"N-no," Peter stuttered in response, still unused to the homosexuality in the group. "M-moony must have used a s-spell." He attempted a smile at the embarrassed boy who shook his head incredibly.

"That's right," Sirius said before Remus could protest. "Moony used a silencing charm just before we shagged each other. I was too ridden with lust to properly remember that." He grinned cockily at James and Peter until he felt Remus tense beside him. "Remus?" he whispered as he turned around to look into the golden eyes that were trying too hard to stay light.

"I certainly hope you won't be this descriptive if we actually do have sex," he answered tersely with a forced smile.

Sirius, biting back the impulse to tell Remus to stop smiling like that, chuckled and sat up straight so that he loomed slightly over the other. "No worries, love," he whispered as he leaned in. "I'll be more descriptive than that _when_ we do." Then he kissed Remus' lips and grinned against them as Remus laughed into his mouth.

"Damn it, Peter!" James, who had removed himself from the couch and down to the floor, shouted as the other's queen slaughtered his last rook. "Now how the bloody hell am I supposed to win?"

Peter, though usually good at chess, held his tongue and shrugged. He hadn't planned on taking the rook. In fact, he had been about to sacrifice his queen in order to position his knight better, but then, as he moved the queen to one side, she shouted murder and attempted to chop off his fingers. So he found another move that was much more beneficial.

"Perhaps," Remus suggested, a wry smile replacing his previous one, "the point is not for you to win, Prongs."

"Go back to snogging Sirius, Moony," James retorted with a playful glare. "No one asked for your opinion."

Remus grinned as Sirius placed himself back into his view and replied, "Don't mind if I do." Then he leaned up and pressed his lips against Sirius' before parting them and allowing their tongues to tangle together heatedly.

--

"Your mum say you could stay?" Remus asked first thing the next morning as he watched Sirius stir awake next to him.

"Y'know," Sirius mumbled as he tugged Remus down next to him, "most boyfriends say, 'Good morning, honey,' or 'Did you sleep well, dear' when their partners wake up. Most do not accost their lovers first thing in the morning."

"I'm sorry I was not more aware of morning etiquette, Sirius," Remus replied with a soft smile. "And we are not lovers."

"Yet," Sirius finished. "And go back to sleep, Rem. It's early on a Saturday morning," he complained with a frown as Remus kissed his forehead.

"It's actually nine in the morning and if you aren't staying, you're going to miss the train back." His hand smoothed across the half of Sirius' face that wasn't smothered in the pillow before it tangled itself in the soft silky hair.

"Nine is early and I'm not going to miss it because I'm not going home," he grumbled back before he unwillingly rolled onto his back and stretched out. Then he turned back to face Remus and curled up into a ball. "Sleep."

"So your mum said you could stay?" Remus whispered excitedly, as he pressed their foreheads together.

Sirius kissed Remus softly and Remus took that as a yes. His mother had not specified that Sirius was to go home, but she had not said he could not stay either. As far as he knew, there had been no owl directing him to come home, and he was sure the Professor McGongall had already sent messages home to all the students who were staying.

As soon as Sirius pressed closer to Remus, the tawny-haired boy rolled out of bed and grinned. "C'mon. James isn't in bed. I bet he's downstairs waiting for Lily, because I don't remember hearing him coming upstairs last night."

"I don't think you heard much of anything last night," Sirius muttered softly as he pulled all his covers with him and sleepily stumbled after Remus down the dormitory steps to the common room.

It took him a moment to register the small crowd gathered around the fireplace that seemed to be snoring. When he did, his grey eyes opened wide with curiosity as he shoved a path through to where Remus was covering his mouth with one hand to hold in the laughter. Sirius, on the other hand, burst out laughing when he saw James lying on the couch with a present on his stomach and a sign across his chest that read, "Happy Christmas, Lily, just in case I don't wake up in time to see you. Though, they say a kiss always wakes one up from sleep."

"Peter must have taken that picture," Remus mused as he pointed out the small picture of James winking and blowing kisses alternatively in the corner of the sign. "It's really well done. James seems to be doing a great job." At this, the little James in the picture beamed just because.

"What is going on here?" a shrill voice called as a head of red parted her way through the crowd. "Oh, bloody hell," Lily groaned when she saw James's sign and present. Her hand flew to her head as her fingers massaged her temples with irritation. "Remus," she began to whine as Remus wondered why it seemed as if everyone whined to him, "why aren't you doing anything to stop this?"

He smiled at her sweetly. "Lily, he's not doing anything wrong, is he? There's nothing in the rules that says an idiot can't make a fool out of himself for the girl he likes."

Her cheeks turned pink at the last part but she scowled all the same. "Well, tell him that I don't want his blasted present and he can keep dreaming because I certainly am not going to wake him up with a kiss."

Then she turned around to stalk away when Sirius, who had managed to stop laughing by now, shouted, "Oy Prongs! The love of your life is walking away!"

"Mmurble?" James mumbled as he stirred in his half-awaken state.

"You know? The fiery redhead, Lily Evans?"

Lily opened her mouth to shout at Sirius when James sat up suddenly, his sign flying away and his present secure in his hand.

"Evans! My beautiful flower of maidenhood and purity!" he cried as he jumped over to stand in front of her. His glasses were askew and his hair was sticking up wildly, but still, most of the girls who were there sighed longingly at him and giggled.

"Maidenhood and purity?" Remus questioned as Lily ran behind him and used him as a shield from James. "What kind of compliment is that meant to be? What if she's not pure-"

"Remus!" Lily reprimanded with her wand in hand. "Another word and I'll hex you."

Sirius lunged forwards and pulled Remus into his arms and away from Lily. "Don't threaten Moony!" he growled half-jokingly and half-seriously. "Go hex James for being stupid enough to do this."

"Stupid?" James asked in outrage, abandoning Lily for a moment. "You're the one who suggested this plan."

"If I remember properly," Sirius said as he replaced Lily in using Remus as a human shield, "I gave you a rhyme to use. Besides, you didn't think I was honestly serious did you?"

"I was under the impression that you, as my best mate, would give me good advice, but I suppose that shagging Moony has taken away the little brains you had," James replied with a shake of his head.

"I resent that comment," Remus interjected.

"Of course you do, after all I'm the one shagging your brains out," Sirius reinforced with a wink.

"Remus, you haven't really been letting Sirius," Lily began before she paused and made gestures with her hands, "you know, have you?"

Fed up with all the questions about their sex life, Remus sighed and shook his head. "I'm as 'pure' as you are, Lily."

"That doesn't say very much, Moony," Sirius said. "After all, our Evans might be using her privileges to go out at night and shag other prefects."

"My Lily would never do that!" James cried indignantly before he turned to the girl in question with wide hazel eyes. "Would you?"

Before Lily could answer angrily, Professor McGonagall stormed through the portrait hole screaming, "Why aren't any of you down at the train? Or are you all planning on staying? Hogwarts Express is leaving in ten minutes!"

--

There had been a great rush of students out of the common room with Professor McGonagall herding them along quickly. James had managed to force his present into Lily's hands before she dashed away and, as soon as Peter came down just as the last of the students were leaving, the four of them went down to breakfast. Once in the Great Hall, they planned their three days before Christmas very carefully. Of the few students who had decided to stay, Severus Snape was one of them. This was unsurprising, especially since Severus had stayed behind for all the years beforehand.

They had then acted out their plans, which included dying Severus' hair pink, sneaking into the Slytherin dormitory and letting loose five nifflers and sixteen dungbombs, charming the Christmas trees to sing rhymes about each person staying behind, and exchanging the robes of prefects when they went to the prefect bathroom (Remus' robes included) for skimpy pink underwear.

Christmas Eve came in no time and three of the four Marauders (a nickname James insisted they adopt after one of the prefects blamed her missing robes on marauders) were lounging comfortably in their warm and cozy common room. Peter and James had started yet another round of chess that Peter already had the lead in while Sirius sat with a very contemplating look on his face. James had pestered Sirius about it, but soon gave up when he realized how distracting that task was. Their game was nearly finished when the portrait hole swung open and a distraught and angry but not very well clothed Remus was suddenly looming over them demanding for his robes.

"Now, Remus, what makes you think we would know where they are?" James asked, pleased for a reason to stall his inevitable loss.

"Maybe because I know for a fact that you've been stealing prefect robes and leaving behind pink underwear?" he answered, regretting ever letting them know the password to the prefect bathroom.

"And where's your proof?" James demanded with a smug smile.

"This note signed by the three of you idiots," Remus replied as he held up a sheet of parchment that told Remus that his three friends thought that pink was the new black.

"Sirius!" James shouted. "Why did you leave that behind?"

"Because we had left that behind for everyone else?" Sirius responded with a shrug as he reached out and took Remus' hand. "Do you know that you're shivering?" he asked the tawny-haired boy before pulling him onto the couch and enveloping him with his body.

"I'm very well aware of the fact that I'm shivering. It's because I'm cold after running wet from the prefects bathroom to here," Remus answered sharply though he relaxed in Sirius' warm arms.

"Why did you use the towels?" James wondered, afraid that Remus would have caught a cold from their prank.

"They were all gone."

"Sorry," Peter piped in. "I took them all."

"Now why would you do that?" Sirius and James demanded to know at the same time.

"Because we had taken all the towels for everyone else," Peter answered.

"Merlin, you two are idiots!" James exclaimed as he stood up suddenly, tipping over the chess game as he did so. "I thought it would have been obvious that we wouldn't prank Remus like the others, but clearly that wasn't the case. Honestly, does it make sense for us to leave a note that's signed with the nicknames that Moony practically created for us? And why on earth would we want him to freeze to death? Does that make sense at all?"

"I did create them," Remus interrupted tactfully. "And, calm down, will you, Prongs? At least calm down enough to tell me where my clothes are." He thought it was odd that while he was the one who had to run around school wearing nothing but pink underwear, it was the prankster who was upset.

"I will not calm down!" James decided, anger disappearing into fun. "And no one can make me. I shall never tell you where your clothing went, and you'll never be able to get it from me. Especially not if I disappear!" He pulled out his cloak from his pocket and threw it over himself before laughing maniacally.

--

There had been a grand chase in the common room that amused a freezing Remus, a confused Peter, and three fourth year students who had been huddled and whispering secretively until James, in his Invisibility Cloak, started whispering with them. They then had shrieked and Sirius, who had been at the other side of the room, dashed over in an instant and almost caught James. It finally ended at eleven-thirty with James finally caught and lying tiredly next to the fireplace and Sirius holding the cloak above his head like a trophy for successfully avenging 

Remus. Remus, who still did not have his robes but was wrapped in a warm blanket he had summoned, sighed deeply before yawning tiredly. Peter had rearranged the chess board to the way it had been before. He then asked James to finish their game and Sirius, unwillingly, gave back the cloak under the insistence of Remus who wanted to go to bed.

Remus and Sirius huddled up to their dormitory, ignoring the lewd comments from James, and launched themselves under the blankets of Remus' bed. Remus snuggled deep within the covers as Sirius pulled the curtains tightly around them and muttered a silencing charm. Then he settled down next to Remus and pulled him close.

"Sorry, Remus," he whispered into the other's still damp hair.

"Don't worry about it," Remus muttered back, his breath ghosting across Sirius' neck. "I'll be fine."

"I know." Sirius rested his lips against Remus' forehead and closed his eyes. He felt the other boy move back and forth in his arms as he breathed and wondered if Remus felt the same. Suddenly, Remus pulled Sirius closer and lowered his head to the clothed chest. Sirius smiled lightly as ran his fingers gently through the soft brown hair until Remus relaxed against him. They stayed like that in silence for awhile until Sirius muttered quietly, almost as if he didn't want Remus to hear him, "I have an early present for you."

Remus' head lifted and golden eyes met silver ones eagerly. "What is it?" he whispered back.

"It's-uh-I'll show you," Sirius answered hesitantly as he gently pushed Remus onto his back. "I'll stop if you want me to. If it gets too uncomfortable. I won't do anything you don't want me too," Sirius rambled reassuringly, more for himself than for Remus.

The boy beneath him smiled softly and stroked Sirius' cheek with the back of his hand. "You haven't done anything yet, Sirius."

"I know," Sirius protested, "but when I do…" He trailed off and took Remus' hand with his own before kissing the pale palm.

"Okay," Remus whispered back softly as Sirius leaned down and began kissing a trail down from his neck, biting and nipping occasionally to leave behind little marks, adding to the collection of healed bruises. His broad hands roamed across the scarred bare skin as his fingers sought out sensitive areas to tease. Each time they did, Remus tensed slightly under Sirius but always quickly relaxed with a breathy moan.

Sirius' dark hair splayed across Remus' pale chest as his head paused briefly at the other's navel. His thumb slipped under the band of the pink undergarment and began to slide it off. He had gotten them down to the Remus' ankles when the tawny-haired boy spoke softly.

"It's unfair that you're still fully clothed." Then he smiled with his face flushed and body unashamedly open and naked.

"Then change that," Sirius whispered into Remus' stomach. "Because I'm not going to."

A thin hand reached up to Sirius' collar as his head lowered down the other's body. Slender fingers attempted to unbutton the shirt, but soon gave up as a pink tongue slipped down Remus' erect penis. His hips bucked upwards as his hand clenched around the white shirt, pulling Sirius' head down around him. A strangled groan vibrated against him as Sirius tugged lightly on Remus' hand. It transferred to his own in a tight grip as Remus moaned, "Sorry."

Sirius tried to reply, "Don't be," but he found it very hard when his mouth was full. So he settled for another set of vibrations which, judging from Remus' groans, was good enough for the other as well.

--

A/N: Sorry for the wait and the not so satisfying chapter. I tried...but it's just an awkward thing to write about, but I must overcome this hurdle of awkwardness in order to become a better writter! No good excuses for the long wait, except that I had other things to do. Enjoy and Christmas!


	10. 10

Remus woke up to a familiar steady breathing body wrapped tightly around him and smiled lazily as soon as he saw the dark hair lying just next to his face. He had never been the first to wake up as it was usually Sirius who woke him up gently in the morning, but at last he realized why it was that the other boy would take the pains to get up early. It was a beautiful sight to see someone he loved holding on to him, protecting him. Yes, Remus decided, it was wonderful to know that he loved Sirius as Sirius loved him.

He brought his arms up around Sirius and started combing his fingers gently through the silky hair beside him, occasionally lingering at the base of his neck to trace the path of his spine. Though he has spotted the mound of presents sitting at the foot of his bed, Remus decided that it was much nicer to just lie with Sirius. After all, he had already received one of his presents, so he was in no rush to open the brightly colored packages.

Sirius stirred as he squeezed Remus fiercely before relaxing in an overdramatic groan. The first time he had ever done this, Remus had asked him what that was for, and he explained that it was part of his morning stretches. Then he had proceeded to fully stretch out the rest of his body, which Remus thought was rather ludicrous and was therefore rather thankful when he never did it again...especially thankful that he never had to see Sirius attempt to contort his body in inhuman ways to fit into a box.

"Good morning, love," Remus whispered into Sirius' ear and was rewarded with a sleepy grin.

"That's the proper greeting, Remus," Sirius muttered back before he kissed Remus slowly and languidly on the mouth.

"Only if that's always the proper response," Remus teased in return, though his face flushed lightly.

The two of them stared at each other with silly smiles on their faces and, though both were remembering the events of the previous night, neither brought it up because they already knew the thoughts of the other. They had even forgotten that it was Christmas Day until the red curtains flew open and James shouted, "Happy Christ-OH MERLIN!"

Startled, Remus pulled the sheets tight around him, leaving none left for Sirius, who was quite unbothered by the fact and was taking no action to covering himself…even as James was screaming for him to put on some pants.

"If you're such a prude, Prongs, just look away. Besides," he added on grumpily and haughtily, "no one asked you to interrupt an intimate moment between me and Remus." Then, to save his ears from further screaming, he pushed himself out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom, mentally scarring (though Sirius would say that he was blessing) Peter as he went past. Luckily, for the pudgy boy, the sight of the lovely pile of Christmas presents in front of him blocked most of the painful images.

James stuck his tongue out at Sirius and then turned to Remus, who was blushing furiously and still tightly wrapped up in all his blankets. He opened his mouth as if to say something more, but the sight of the downcast golden eyes told him that Remus was embarrassed enough as it was. So, instead, he pulled the curtains tight and went to help Peter open, and eat, his goodies.

--

Remus soon found all embarrassment of the morning disappear with a bang of the first cracker down in the Great Hall. A tall rainbow-stripped top hat fell down onto his still damp hair. Peter decided that Remus needed a pair of white gloves, James claimed that Remus should find a pair of white gloves, and Sirius told the two of them to shut up before saying that what Remus really needed was to wear less clothing rather than more. Then he stole the hat and shoved it onto James' hat just as Severus walked by and commented snidely about the way it matched with his purple nails (which Sirius had painted several nights before while everyone else was sleeping). James stuck up his middle finger at what he hoped was Severus but was really Professor McGonagall as Sirius laughed and nodded in agreement for once with Severus Snape.

After having been thoroughly scolded by Professor McGonagall (she decided to forgo the punishment because it was Christmas and she was feeling slightly tipsy), the four of them hurried up to the Common Room, where there were only a couple of first-years hanging around, and began talking in hushed tones about the night. They were really just James and Peter with Sirius adding in the occasional comment as he sat next to the reading Remus.

Despite the fact that he was pleased that all three of them would be with him this night, Remus could hold no excitement in the full moon. He understood why the others were talking avidly about what could happen, would happen, and should happen, but he wished they wouldn't make it seem like such an adventure, such an exciting event, when it was the worst part of his life. At least, he smiled inwardly to himself as he thought this, Sirius seemed to understand that and was spending more time wrapped around him than plotting with James and Peter.

"What are you thinking about?" Sirius asked in an accusing tone.

"Nothing."

Piercing silver eyes narrowed possessively in a way that made Remus both shudder in fear and shiver with pleasure. "What's so good about nothing that it makes you smile like that?"

Remus grinned even further and turned so that he could wrap his arms around Sirius. "The same thing that's so good about you."

--

Night came all too soon for the four boys. As the rest of the castle was preparing to sit down for a Christmas feast, Remus was waiting patiently in the Shrieking Shack for the pain to begin as Sirius, James, and Peter hovered outside in their Animagus forms.

While the few hours in the Common Room just flew by, the several minutes waiting for and listening to the heartbreakingly painful cries of an innocent young man shifting into a frightening creature seemed like a lifetime to James and Peter, and forever to Sirius. Both Sirius and James cringed inwardly at the screams, as they had heard them before and were learning to get used to them, but Peter squealed as he hid behind the giant stag, caught between fear and pity for his friend.

As soon as those long trying minutes were over and the cries turned to howls, the larger animals rushed for the Whomping Willow, followed quickly by the rat. They waited impatiently for the smaller creature to catch up at the base, the dog snapping his jaws threateningly, until the rat did as was rehearsed and pressed the knot on the trunk that rendered the tree immobile. Without waiting for the other two, the dog hurried down the long dark corridor, sniffing around for the scent of blood as a precaution, before it reached the end of the tunnel where a soft gray glow outlined a wooden door. Eagerly, the big black dog pushed open the heavy door, not bothering to close it, and bounded up the stairs where a large grey wolf had been waiting diligently for him.

Before he came to know and care for Remus, if someone were to say that werewolves were untamable, Sirius would have agreed unconditionally, even despite the fact that he was "friends" with one. Yet, now, as he was watching the great beast turn towards him with shinning yellow eyes, he knew that that was untrue. That everything he had ever heard about werewolves being nothing but monsters was a lie. After all, monsters don't have hearts.

The wolf reared on its hind legs, giving the dog a brief moment to prepare, before launching itself in greeting at the dog. His long rough tongue dragged itself across the other's cheek, rubbing against the fur in the wrong way, before the wolf caught onto the presence of two others. He pushed himself off of the dog, who, though unsettled about his ruffled fur, would have rather had the full attention of the wolf back on him than to watch him sniff the quivering rat. Then the wolf howled in acceptance and ran the short distance over to the stag to greet him as well.

After nodding dipping his head in a nod, the wolf dashed past the stag and ran down the stairs. The dog followed quickly behind and watched as the other performed the ritual he did every month of pawing at each window, hoping that it would open and release him from this hell house. As he did every month, the dog pushed him aside from the window the wolf was pawing at and tried his hardest to keep the other preoccupied. Sometimes it worked, and the wolf put all his energy into playing with the dog, but other times, most of the times, it only distracted the wolf for a few minutes until he saw the moonlight on the dusty wooden floors taunting him, teasing him, flirting with him.

But this night, it was a success because there was not only the dog, but also the stag and the newcomer. And, as the wolf tended to do with all newcomers, he set off to searching for a present. James had suggested, after Sirius mentioned this one night, that the wolf did this as a way of determining his pack. Because the wolf never had a chance at establishing or being part of a real pack, nor had he ever been in contact with any other animal except for that dog of his when he was very young, he probably thought of them as their pack and he needed for them to know that they belonged to him. As James said this, he tightened his hold on the button the wolf had ripped from his cloak and Sirius fingered the golden necklace.

It took the wolf a good three hours, with plenty of distractions, to find something suitable for the rat. It was a small knut that he had found lying on the ground and that he had recognized had once been his. Sirius found himself relieved at the small value of the gift, though mean he knew it was, but he believed that the higher the value of the present, the more the animal meant to the wolf.

--

When the sky began to lighten and just as the moon was setting, the four animals were curled tightly together the corner furthest away from the freezing windows. The transformation from beast to man was much more quieter than the reverse, but it was still loud enough to wake the three Animagi. Respectfully, James and Peter returned to human before they quietly bid Sirius goodbye and headed away. Sirius, on the other hand, stayed as a dog until Remus was completely back and was blinking his eyes awake. He began shivering long before he was able to register his surroundings, and that was enough time for Sirius to find a blanket and drag it over to the slender boy.

Thankfully, Remus wrapped it around himself as Sirius sat down across from him on his haunches, looking very similar to the dog he had been moments prior. Remus laughed softly and opened up a corner of his blanket. Eagerly, Sirius huddled close next to Remus and the two watched wordlessly as the sky outside turned from dark blue, to husky purple, to light pink, and then, finally, to the color of sunrise. Remus leaned against Sirius as the colored reflected off of the snow on the windows and lit the room in a warm glow that was enough to fend off the cold.

After they waited for the sun to rise from blood red to a fading orange, Sirius whispered quietly, almost afraid of breaking something, "I should go now before Madam Pomfrey comes." He began to detach himself, but in such a way that really meant he wanted to stay.

And Remus held on tightly so Sirius couldn't even manage to get an inch away. "She won't. I told her that I would be fine getting to the Hospital Wing on my own. So let's stay here a little longer."

Sirius grinned and settled himself more comfortably around Remus. "As long as the sun rises," he muttered back and ignored the curious look Remus gave him by pressing his lips against the purple ones and giving them their color back.

--

A/N: I know it was a short chapter and it was the end and it was like a month or so since the last one and there's no resolution about the heart aches or anything like that. I _had_ wanted to drag it on longer until Sirius betrayed Remus and then more references to the hearts, but that would have been too much drama and too much work for now. So, at least the beginning bits were good, eh? And I need to work on my endings. Well, thanks for reading it thus far and I hope/am glad that you enjoyed it!


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